Forged by Tragedy
by My Whole Life Is Thunder
Summary: Fifteen years ago Tony lost his wife and young son to a tragic xar accident. Ever since that day he has fought between bouts of depression and loneliness. He wants to open his heart but cannot. Ziva is a single mom new to the US from Israel. Though she did take a temporary job stateside in her early twenties.. She has her own tragedy and her own secrets.
1. Chapter 1

Tony let the door slam behind him, he threw his groceries on the counter, and collapsed onto the couch. He knew that Gibbs would be by later. He knew because Gibbs had straight out told him. He wasn't sure why today was so bad for him. He had double checked his calendar and there was nothing significant about the date. It wasn't his and Kris' anniversary, it wasn't her or Justin's birthday, it wasn't the anniversary of the accident. It was just one of those bad days. He had been doing so well the past few years but sometimes things just got to him. He heard a knock on the door and wondered who it could be. Gibbs never knocked. He forced himself to the couch and drug himself to the door. The good news was that he wasn't hoping for a murderer or somebody he locked away seeking revenge. At least he was doing that well. He looked through the peephole and saw Jimmy standing on the other side.

"Hey Jimmy" Tony greeted.

"I just came by to check on you." Jimmy replied.

"I'm fine." Tony insisted.

"You are not fine." Jimmy rebutted.

"Today has been rough. I don't know why. It's just a bad day." Tony admitted.

"It's nothing compared to you but I get the same way with Michelle and Breena lost her boyfriend in college." Jimmy explained.

"It's never easy to lose somebody like that." Tony replied, knowing what Jimmy was getting at.

"I know you probably just want to be alone but if you feel like coming out in a few days. A friend of mine is moving to DC. She will be in tomorrow or the next day. Breena and I are going to meet her when she arrives." Jimmy explained.

"I don't think I can handle a club or a bar. When I get in one of these funks. If I see people drinking and planning on driving. It just gets me." Tony replied.

"She has a four year old son. We won't be going out anywhere like that. We are planning on a family friendly place. Where we can take the children." Jimmy explained.

"I don't know. It's hard being around kids." Tony sighed.

"I know I was just offering. I really want to help but I don't know what to do." Jimmy replied.

"Don't worry about it. Just go spend time with your family. Be glad you have the chance." Tony insisted.

"Call me if you need anything." Jimmy replied.

Ziva David tightened her grip on her young son's hand. The airport was crowded and unfamiliar. Elijah looked up at her with his big blue eyes. She knew that he was scared, because she was scared too. Scared and nervous as well. Of course that was to be expected. Given that she was about to leave behind her home and start a new life. She had lived in America once before but that was over twenty years ago. She had taken a job as a nanny in that time. It was after her year of service and she thought that was what she wanted. She had loved America and she adored the boy she was charged with caring for but her job was temporary.

She came to America to care for a young boy. His father and older brother had been killed in a car accident. The boy's mother had survived but had fairly serious injuries and needed assistance while she recovered. That was Ziva's job for most of the year. She and the young boy got along extremely well. Because she had just lost her own sister two years before. Once the boy's mother recovered. Ziva's service's were no longer needed. She moved back to Israel but she kept in touch with the boy.

"What is your friend's name again?" Elijah asked.

"Jimmy Palmer, we will be staying with him, his wife Breena, and their daughter Victoria." Ziva explained.

"Are they nice?" Elijah asked.

"Very nice I used to take care of Jimmy when he was not much older than you." Ziva explained.

Tony stepped into the room. He had not stepped foot in his son's room for years. When the accident first happened, he would go in there every day. He would sit on the bed and hold his son's treasures in his hands. He continued the habit until he saw how worn everything was becoming. After that it was just on Justin's birthday and the anniversary. Somehow he lost track of the tradition and now five years had passed since the last time he entered. He switched the light on and looked around the room. He ran his hands over the dresser and the desk. He studied the photograph that hung on the wall. He stood before the shelf of trophies and ribbons. He focused on the County Spelling Bee trophy. Justin had won first place in that one. He should have gone to state. They had made a special mention of him and presented Tony with a plaque. It was touching but it was not how it should have been. Justin's dream had been nationals. Every year when the national spelling bee was held. Tony would become nauseous and depressed. McGee had put it on when year when Gibbs was out following a dental surgery. He had begged him to turn it off but McGee did not know. Eventually Tony had enough and ended up vomiting all over the bullpen. Tony couldn't remember if he had told the story or if it was Jimmy or Ducky, but somehow he knew. From then on he didn't even say the phrase spelling bee in Tony's presence.

It was still surreal that so much time had passed. Fifteen years seemed almost impossible. Seven years ago Justin's classmates had graduated high school. A few of his friends honored him at the ceremony. Over the years he heard of them graduating college, starting careers and families. Juan Perez had even given his daughter the middle name of Justine. It was touching but it broke his heart.

* * *

 **A/N: What will bring Tony and Ziva together? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	2. Fog

Tony felt better the next day but was still depressed. He woke up early to call in to work but Gibbs already knew. After making the call he went back to sleep. He woke in the late afternoon, his heart still heavy. He couldn't handle work but he knew that he needed to get out of the house. He went out for lunch. Just a cheap slice at his favorite pizza place. After lunch he headed to the grocery store. He stocked up on the essentials and a pint of ice cream. He lingered over the beer section. He had stopped drinking after the accident. Seeing his wife and son mangled on a table and knowing it was the result of a drunk driver. Was more than enough to turn a man away from the sauce. He shook his head and walked away. After shopping her returned home. He was putting the groceries away when he realized that he had gone grocery shopping the day before. He loaded up the perishables he bought and brought them down to his neighbor Mrs. Miller. She had limited mobility and lost her husband unexpectedly a few months back. Her daughter cared for her but the daughter was now heavily pregnant and having her own issues getting around.

"Thank you, Anthony." Mrs. Miller said.

"It is no trouble at all." Tony assured.

Ziva was jet-lagged and frustrated. She had been in America for ten hours by this point. She had slept for seven of them. Now she was awake and wanting to go back home. She had spent the past year trying to get out of Israel. She had been miserable and lived in constant fear. She had dreamed of coming to America. When Jimmy offered her lodging and chipped in for her air fare. She had been ecstatic. She was finally going to be free. She was going to start anew in America. She was going to raise her son where he was safe. Safe from terrorists and safe from his mother's demons. What was better she was going to be reunited with the boy she had cared for. The sweet child she had helped grow when his mother was unable. She would get to know Jimmy's wife and daughter. Elijah would play with young Tori, and they would be a unique little family.

Now that Ziva was in America things were different. She was happy and she was getting along with her hosts. She just missed her home. She knew that homesickness was natural but she never imagined that she would be homesick. Not after what she had endured in Israel.

Breena had taken Elijah and Tori out back to play. Ziva could hear the children laughing and playing. They had known each other for two hours and they were already best friends. While the children laughed and played. Ziva stood in front of the bathroom mirror. She ran her hands over the scars and closed her eyes. She longed for the days when she was perfect. When she could wear a bikini and be noticed for her beauty. Now if she exposed her skin her scars were the first thing anybody noticed. She knew that beauty was only skin deep. That it was trivial and that not being perfect should not ruin her day. Still when she saw herself she felt sick to her stomach. She pressed too hard on the scar and pain surged through her body. She let out a piercing shriek. She heard the backdoor slam shut and feet rushing down the hall.

"Ziva are you alright?" Breena called.

"Fine" Ziva lied.

Again Tony found himself not being able to handle being home. He knew that Ducky was treating McGee and Delilah to a night at the opera. Abby was out with her nun friends, and that Bishop had a date or something. He dialed Gibbs' number but hung up before the phone rang. If Gibbs saw how depressed he was. He would be under Grade Three Gibbs Suicide Watch. Gibbs' suicide watch put even the best mental hospital's to shame. During Tony's last slump, he had actually bought him a kiddie tooth brush. Because he was worried that Tony would try and slit his wrists with the firm bristles. He was supervised for flossing. Not a fate that Tony wanted to endure.

Tony was about to admit defeat and go to bed, when he remembered what Jimmy had told him. The Palmer's had a friend coming to town. The friend was staying with them and had a child. They had

invited Tony to join them for the evening. Figuring that it could not hurt to meet the guy and knowing that he needed to get out. Tony picked up his phone and called Jimmy.

Ziva was exhausted and Jimmy had been held up at work. The dinner out had been postponed and replaced with ordering a pizza to the house. The pizza arrived and Ziva was surprised to see that Breena had ordered a large. She was not overly hungry and the kids wouldn't eat that much. She wondered if Jimmy was coming home early or if Breena just wanted extra for lunch the next day.

"Pizza's here!" Ziva called.

"Excellent" Breena replied.

"You ordered a large? Is Jimmy coming home?" Ziva asked.

"No he is still at work. A friend of ours is actually coming over." Breena explained.

"A friend?" Ziva questioned.

"I know you are tired but he will be quiet and he probably won't stay long." Breena assured.

"Doesn't he have other friends?" Ziva asked.

"He does and everybody else was busy. I know it's not ideal but he really needs a friend right about now." Breena explained.

"Why?" Ziva asked.

"Fifteen years ago he lost his wife and son to a drunk driver. He has been having a hard time the past few days. When he gets depressed he cannot stand to be alone." Breena explained.

"Poor guy." Ziva whispered.

"I know. Now please don't bring them up. Unless he brings them up first." Breena explained.

"I know what it's like to lose a child." Ziva whispered.

"What?" Breena asked.

"Nothing. I am going to go lie down." Ziva replied.

"Are you hungry?" Breena asked.

"No" Ziva replied.

* * *

 **A/N: What is Ziva hiding? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	3. Silence

Jimmy was stuck at work, but Breena still let Tony come over. He was grateful for his friends, especially the Palmer's. Gibbs was the one who understood his pain, but the Palmer's were always there. Jimmy had been there from the day he met Tony, and Breena stepped up as soon as she got serious with Jimmy. Because of them Tony never felt alone.

Tony turned into the Palmer's driveway. He grabbed the case of soda's he had brought along. He figured he should contribute something to the dinner and soda was all he had energy to bring. He was surprised when a woman answered the door.

She looked a lot like the woman in the childhood picture of Jimmy, that sat on his desk. Several years older and a sadness was etched onto her face. Still she was very beautiful.

"Oh you must be Jimmy's friend." The woman greeted.

"Yeah I'm Tony." Tony replied nervously.

"I am Ziva. My son Elijah and I will be staying with the Palmer's for a while." Ziva introduced.

"Jimmy told me that a friend was staying with them but I was picturing a man." Tony replied.

Ziva studied the man who stood before her. He was a handsome man with curly brown hair and emerald green eyes. His eyes carried a great deal of sadness and grief. She wondered about his family. She knew the basics. That it was a car accident and that fifteen years had passed. She wondered about the good things. What they were like and how they had enjoyed time as a family. She had so many questions but she would never ask. Not unless Tony brought it up. Her own heartache had taught her that much. Even if the circumstances were very, very different.

"I brought some soda." Tony announced breaking the silence.

"I don't do sugar after dark but I am sure that Breena will appreciate it." Ziva replied.

"Sorry. I know it's lazy but I am not. Today has been hard." Tony apologized.

"It is OK. As for dinner we are just having pizza. I am too jet lagged to eat and Breena just wanted simple." Ziva explained.

"Pizza is great. I love pizza." Tony assured.

Tony sat down to the table and Ziva stumbled off to the guest room. She curled up in the center of the bed and buried herself under the sheets. She started crying for what felt like the hundredth time that day. She was so tired of crying. Her new life was supposed to relieve her of the heartbreak, but she had cried more in America. Than she had in the past year. She wondered if she would ever be able to feel true happiness again.

The dinner was eaten mostly in silence. Breena had known Tony for seven years now. She knew that silence was best. Unless Tony decided to talk, silence was best. After dinner the pair moved into the living room and watched the first thing they came to. It did not even register to Tony. Before long he grew tired and headed for home. He took the rest of his sodas and a couple slices of pizza for the road. Upon returning home he tossed the food into the fridge, and headed to bed. He climbed under the sheets and prayed that the next day would be better. He prayed that this depression would fade soon and he would be able to feel like himself once again.

Jimmy returned home shortly after Tony left. Breena had just gotten the kids out of the bath and was getting ready to tuck them in. Jimmy came into the room and took over. He adored the bedtime routine. Breena walked down the hall and stood outside of Ziva's room. She wondered what the Israeli thought of her. Ziva seemed cold but that may be simply due to her tiredness.

Her mind shifted to the two encounters they'd had. How she had seen Ziva in the bathroom. The scars were horrible. They had faded but still seemed to cause physical pain. On top of the mental anguish. Her next thought was of the brief conversation they'd had. Ziva's words echoed in her mind and in her heart. She wondered what Ziva meant by "I know what it's like to lose a child." The words themselves were pretty self explanatory. Ziva had lost a child. Breena just wondered how and when. She knew better than to ask but wondered if Jimmy knew.

"Kids are asleep for now." Jimmy announced.

"Hopefully they will stay asleep." Breena replied.

"How's Tony?" Jimmy asked.

"He seemed alright. Better than the last time anyway." Breena replied.

"That's good." Jimmy replied.

"Ziva's having a rough night. She went to bed without dinner." Breena replied.

"Poor thing." Jimmy whispered.

"Hey Jimmy?" Breena asked.

"Yeah?" Jimmy replied.

"When did Ziva lose a child?" Breena asked.

"Ziva never lost a child." Jimmy insisted.

"She told me that she did. I was explaining about Tony and she said that she knew what it was like to lose a child." Breena explained.

"Oh well come to think of it. She was pregnant when she went back to Israel but she had a miscarriage the day after she arrived." Jimmy explained.

"Miscarriages are devastating but it sounded like she lost a child that she gave birth to or at least later in the pregnancy." Breena explained.

"Her brother committed suicide twelve years ago and she did not contact me for a couple years after that. She never talks about the time and I never ask. All I know is it was in that time that she got her scars in that time." Jimmy explained.

"She never told you what happened?" Breena asked.

"She started to once but she could complete the first sentence before she broke down." Jimmy explained.

"Poor Ziva." Breena whispered.

"I know I feel just terrible for her. I hope that she can open up one day. Both for her sake and for Elijah's." Jimmy explained.

* * *

 **A/N: What happened to Ziva after Ari's death? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	4. Emotions

Mercifully Tony was able to return to work the next day. The last time he fell into a depression, he was unable to work for a week. He was never able to return in less than five days. Something had changed for him overnight. Something had pulled him from his depression. He was far from the jovial facade he had learned to put on, but he was able to live life. He could get out of bed and he no longer felt the need to cling to somebody to keep from blowing his brains out. It would be a while before he was back to himself but he could live his life.

Despite going to bed early it was another sleepless night for Ziva. She did not think she had gotten a full night of sleep in seven years. She had gotten used to functioning on five or less hours. It was a blessing when Elijah was a baby and up at all hours of the night. She was always up anyway or would wake easily. Now that Elijah was two he was better about sleeping through the night. He did like most kids and would be awake after bedtime and Ziva was always awake with him. She knew that one day he would go to bed and stay in bed. Then she would be back to lying awake. She would be back to being forced to be constantly reminded of her heartbreak.

Lunch time rolled around and Tony found himself joining Jimmy at a small cafe not far from headquarters. They were the only ones in the outdoor seating area and had just finished their sandwiches. They still had a few minutes before they had to start heading back to the office and were just enjoying themselves.

"Breena said to say thank you for the soda and the company. She gets lonely on nights I have to work late and Ziva wasn't really up for hanging out." Jimmy explained.

"I actually met Ziva. She was nice." Tony replied.

"I was hoping that she would talk to you more. I think that you would get along. You have both been through a lot." Jimmy explained.

"So was last night a setup?" Tony accused.

"Not at all. I don't think that Ziva is ready to date just yet. She only lost her husband last year. I just thought that you would make good friends." Jimmy explained.

"Slick Palmer, really slick." Tony scoffed.

Ziva found herself alone for the first time since coming to America. Breena had gone to work and she had taken Elijah to Tori's daycare. Having nothing better to do Ziva took a walk around the neighborhood. She could hear children laughing and noticed a school bus stop in front of a house. A woman waited with a boy about Elijah's age and a girl could not have not been more than three months old. The woman pulled the handle on the side door of the bus and began lowering a large black platform. A man in a white shirt and dark jeans pushed a small wheelchair onto the platform and then the woman dropped it the rest of the way. She got the boy off of the bus and then raised the platform back to the bus. A lump formed in her throat. That should have been her life. That bus should have just stopped at or be on the way to her house.

"Excuse me but my son is not an exhibit you can stare at! He is a human being!" The woman snapped.

"I am sorry. I just. He reminds me of my... I'm sorry." Ziva rambled.

Tony couldn't say that he was angry with Jimmy. It's not like this was the first time Jimmy had tried a set up. He knew that Jimmy meant well. Jimmy just wanted Tony to be happy. In truth Tony did want to date again. He had for several years now, but getting back into the dating pool was not easy. It didn't help that Jimmy's setups were never a good match. Again Jimmy meant well but the age gap caused issues. One time Jimmy had set Tony up with Breena's cousin. She was closer to Tony's age. She was also a lesbian and apparently thought that Jimmy was setting her up with Abby. Ziva was closer to his age and she had a kid, so she probably wasn't gay. Maybe she wouldn't be too bad. Then again she didn't really seem interested in dating. Who knows maybe she was gay or only interested in the silver foxes like Gibbs or the smart guys like Jimmy, McGee, and Ducky. Maybe she was into black dudes like Vance. Oh well maybe he was better off alone.

Utterly humiliated that was how Ziva felt. She had never meant to stare at that mother and her son. She remembered the stares. She tried to remember that not everybody was rude. Some people were curious and afraid to ask. Others were baffled by the chair and the other specialty equipment. Some may even be in her situation. A special needs child reminded them of their lost child, sibling, or friend. Still she had been in the wrong. She should not have stared. She should have waited for the bus and walked away. Maybe offered a polite hello and then been on her way. Maybe things would have been different if she'd had Elijah with her. Maybe she could have gone over and introduced Elijah to the younger son. Maybe she could have just doubled back around the block and never even noticed the bus. So much for having a friend in the neighborhood.

She must have fallen asleep on the couch. Because the next thing she knew Breena was walking in the door. Tori and Elijah were so busy playing something called dragon unicorn. To even notice that she was there. She heard another child join in the game, the cry of a baby, and two woman laughing. One was Breena. The other was familiar but Ziva could not place it. She sat up on the couch and to her horror. The other voice was the woman from the bus.

"Ziva this is my friend Tracy. Tracy this is Jimmy's friend Ziva." Breena introduced.

"We've actually met before." Tracy replied.

"Great then you can chat while I go change Tori." Breena replied.

Ziva swallowed hard, as she searched for a reason to get out of the conversation. She called Elijah over but he was clean. Now Breena was gone and Elijah darted before she could find another way to use him as a buffer. She was alone with Tracy, the baby, and the boy in the wheelchair. She knew that was rude but that was all she knew about him.

"I am sorry about this afternoon." Tracy apologized.

"I should not have stared." Ziva replied.

"No you shouldn't have but I should not have yelled at you. I know it's a lousy excuse but I was having a nasty day. I am having PMS real bad and my husband and I got in a fight. To top it off it's that time of year where kids are starting school and sports. I signed Louie up for soccer and we put Lawrence of a challenger league but it's not what we imagined. I love Lawrence and I wouldn't trade him for the world. It's just hard." Tracy explained.

"I know" Ziva replied.

"How can you know?" Tracy questioned.

"My firstborn had cerebral palsy but she... she died." Ziva explained.

"I am sorry." Tracy apologized.

* * *

 **A/N: A little more is known about Ziva's daughter but what exactly happened? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	5. Memories

Ziva and Tracy talked for over an hour. They would have talked longer but Lawrence needed to be changed and Tracy had accidentally left his "Astronaut Pants" at home. She collected the children and called goodbye to her new and her old friend. After Tracy left Ziva quietly excused herself upstairs and walked up to her room. She opened the small wooden box she kept under the bed and carefully withdrew the contents. She held the three by eight photograph in her hand. Rebecca was the most beautiful little girl Ziva had ever seen. She was perfect in every single way. Even though she could not talk, move her limbs, or eat by mouth. She was perfect. She was the happiest child that Ziva had ever known. She had the most perfect curly black hair and olive skin. She was only seven years old when she died. She had major health problems but she still should not have died so young. She should still be here. Singing to her little brother in her special way. She should be a young women now. Instead she was six feet under and forever a little girl.

A kid who went to school with Justin was working at convenience store where Tony stopped for a cup of coffee. The kid had worked there for several years but he mainly worked the morning shift. His last name was Jordan Dingo and always ended up seated beside Justin. They always got along pretty well. Jordan just happened to be the other only child in Justin's class. Though Jordan's parents went on to adopt a baby girl the year after Justin was killed.

"How are you doing Mr. DiNozzo? You see the Ohio State game this weekend?" Jordan asked, he was the only one of Justin's friends who never treated Tony any differently.

"I am doing better. Had kind of a rough week and ended up missing the game." Tony explained.

"Oh well I am sorry to hear that." Jordan apologized.

"How's Michelle?" Tony asked referring to Justin's wife.

"She is great we are actually expecting our first child in March." Jordan replied.

"Do you know what you are having?" Tony asked.

"We are having a little boy." Jordan replied showing Tony a picture of the ultrasound.

"Congratulations he is beautiful." Tony replied.

Ziva wondered what life would be like if her little Rebecca had lived. She wondered if she would have overcome the odds and eventually met one or more of the developmental milestones they had been told she would never meet. She wondered if she would like being a big sister or if she would be jealous of Elijah. She wondered if she would still have that adorable smile and be able to tell entire stories with her perfect green eyes. She wished that she could talk to somebody about Rebecca. She had scared Tracy so badly when she told her that Rebecca had died. She knew that Tracy was now worrying about Lawrence who was only a year and a half younger than Rebecca had been. Maybe one day she would be able to tell the truth and put Tracy's mind at ease but for now it was easier to lie about what had happened to her precious baby girl.

Seeing Jordan was unbelievably hard on Tony. Normally Jordan was a relief, he treated Tony normally loved seeing the one classmates of Justin, who treated him like a normal person. Not just the dad of the dead kid or one of the dead kids. He was just Mr. DiNozzo. Finding out that Jordan was going to be a dad was a blow to Tony. Anytime he heard of one of Justin's classmates hitting a milestone. Every time it was a reminder of everything that Justin would never do.

"I thought you said you were doing better." Gibbs commented upon finding Tony curled up on the couch.

"I saw one of Justin's classmates. He is expecting his first child." Tony explained.

"That's a rough one." Gibbs sighed.

"Thing is I was doing great until this evening." Tony replied.

"I have been there more times than I care to remember. I wish I could say it gets easier and that you can't be depressed forever but that is a lie." Gibbs explained.

"I know you've told me before." Tony sighed.

"Do you need me to stay the night?" Gibbs asked.

"I think I do." Tony replied.

Ziva cradled her son in her arms and read him his nightly story. She remembered how she used to read to Rebecca. Sweet Rebecca's eyes lit up whenever she heard a story and Elijah was the same way. Elijah would cheer and comment when Ziva read to him. Rebecca would giggle and babble in her sweet little way. Ziva's two children were different but the same. She would give anything for them to be able to know each other. She could not even bring herself to tell Elijah that he had an older sister. She was too afraid of the questions. As far as Elijah knew he was her first and only. Maybe she would tell one day but for now Rebecca remained a secret.

She was amazed that she had the strength to tell Tracy about her lost daughter. Very few people she'd met since Rebecca, knew about Rebecca. She was simply too hard to talk about. Her heart had simply been broken too severely by the loss of her precious and beloved baby girl.

Back to Elijah and his story. The toddler was beginning to doze in his mother's arms. She still had a few pages to go but they could wait. It was now time for Elijah to head to bed. She closed the book and placed it on the table, before gently lowering Elijah onto his bed.

"Alright Elijah that is it for the night." Ziva said kissing her son on the head.

"Goodnight Ima." Elijah cooed.

"Goodnight baby boy. I will see you in a few hours." Ziva replied.

* * *

 **A/N: Don't worry there will be Tiva soon. New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	6. Past Memories

After a week in America, Ziva was beginning to go stir-crazy. It was too the point where she was considering pulling Elijah out of school but knew that he needed the social interaction. Elijah didn't get much interaction with children or anybody other than her. That was largely her fault. Rebecca had so many complications and problems. It was just easier for Ziva to keep her home at all times. When Elijah came along Ziva was terrified to let him out of her sight. It was fine when he was a baby. Now that he was two. It was time for him to be a part of the world.

"Maybe you should get a job. It would get you out of the house and give you extra cash. Aside from the benefits." Breena suggested.

"Nobody would hire me. Not with my past." Ziva sighed.

"My dad can give you a job. It would be menial but we could carpool and it would give you something to do." Breena offered.

"What if he finds out?" Ziva asked.

"I will talk to him but I am sure that he will give you an interview. He has an out of town funeral today. For a friend long story but he will interview you tomorrow." Breena explained.

"What about today?" Ziva asked.

"I could drop you off with Jimmy. I have to drop off his lunch. We are trying to be healthier now that number two is on the way." Breena explained, patting her stomach.

"They won't mind?" Ziva asked.

"You'll have to get signed in that's a pain but Jimmy should be around unless they get a body. If they do everybody else is pretty nice." Breena explained.

Tony flipped his pen up in the air and caught it in his hand. He repeated the process until Gibbs charged over and yanked the object out of his hands. He picked up his long since empty coffee cup and fidgeted with it. He was over the depression but had been stir-crazy for days now. He wanted to leap up and race around.

"Do you need me to get you a fidget spinner?" McGee asked.

"I need to do something!" Tony cried.

"Go downstairs and bother Jimmy." Gibbs suggested.

"Actually I need DiNozzo to escort a visitor to autopsy." Vance announced.

"Isn't that usually a Probie job?" Tony questioned.

"Just go." Vance ordered.

"Yes sir" Tony groaned.

"Believe it or not he's on the upswing." Vance explained to Bishop who had not been present for Tony's previous episode.

Ziva shifted in her seat. She had no idea how she had been granted access but an agent was on the way down to escort her to autopsy. The elevator dinged and a man stepped out and approached her. She knew the man. She knew that she had met him that day at the Palmer's house but she knew him before that. It was back in Israel, when her sweet Rebecca was still alive.

 _Ziva maneuvered Rebecca's wheelchair around the market. Her sweet girl had been having a terrible day. Seizures and off and on fevers. Healthy children would be rushed to the hospital but hospital's were a last resort for Rebecca. Her pediatrician did not have an opening. All Ziva could do was care for her daughter at home and pray that she improved before they had to rush to the hospital. For now she searched for fresh fruit and vegetables for herself. She parked Rebecca's chair and turned to select olives. She forgot to brake the chair and Rebecca began to roll down the small hill. Ziva lunged for the handle but Rebecca had already collided with a man dressed in a fine suit. The man stumbled backwards and Rebecca fell from her chair._

" _I am so sorry!" Ziva cried scooping Rebecca back into her chair._

" _It's alright. I wasn't watching where I was going. Hey she is really hot. She OK?" Tony asked._

" _She has Cerebral Palsy. She gets unexplained fevers sometimes. I hate to take her out but her babysitter couldn't make it and her dad. Her dad is away." Ziva explained._

" _Cerebral Palsy? That's a rough one. My son's school did a walk-a-thon for that a few years back. My boy did eighty laps. Raised about six hundred bucks. Got a dinner in his honor, big TV interview, and everything. To top it off we had just gotten back from the county wide spelling bee. Just one away from state. Boy did he make me proud." Tony explained._

" _Must be nice to have a child who can walk and talk." Ziva muttered._

" _Sorry to be a bragger. It's just my son died on his way home from the dinner. A drunk driver took him and his mom from me." Tony explained._

" _Oh I am sorry. I can't imagine not having my sweet Rebecca." Ziva apologized wiping away a tear._

Needless to say Tony was not thrilled. He hated when Vance sent him on menial tasks. He hated that he was so stir-crazy that he had been sent to do busy work. He found himself pacing around the elevator but stopped as the contraption came to a subtle stop. The doors slip open and he saw Breena with whatever health food lunch Jimmy was eating that day. Beside her was the friend of Jimmy's. He knew this woman but not from the short meeting on the Palmer's porch.

 _A case had brought Tony to Israel. A new lead on the terrorist cell Ari had joined after being dismissed from Mossad. He walked through the small market grateful for a moment of being alone. He had bent down to smell a flower. He was walking towards a table of vegetables when a wheelchair barreled towards him. He tried to stop the chair but ended up getting knocked down instead. A woman rushed over and scooped up the girl who occupied the chair. Tony guessed it was the girl's mother or much older sister. The woman apologized and explained that the girl had Cerebral Palsy. The condition sent a dagger through Tony's heart. Justin's last activity had been the CP walk-a-thon for a boy or girl at his school. They were on the way home from the banquet when... Tony shuddered. He had been rambling and the woman was furious. He explained and the woman apologized._

" _It's OK and I am sure your little girl will live a full and perfect life." Tony assured before turning and leaving the room._

* * *

 **A/N: Tony and Ziva know each other but what will happen when the truth comes out? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	7. Confronted

It was obvious to Ziva that Tony recognized her but he remained silent in the elevator. He kept his eyes on her but remained speechless. Ziva wondered if he hated her for the way she had treated him. Yes having a disabled child was hard but she should not have been so rude to Tony. Even if Justin had not been dead. Tony still had the right to brag about his child, and truth be told Ziva had heard worse when she gave Rebecca's diagnosis. The worst being "When is she going to die?" Asked by an adult.

The biggest thing Ziva regretted was being one of those woman she hated. She hated it when the shoe was on the other foot. When she would chastise others for not knowing her pain. When people would complain about their able bodied children. She had so many times scoffed how lucky they were to have healthy children.

The elevator door slid open with a chime and Tony took the first step out. Ziva followed him through the lobby and then the doors into autopsy. Ziva swallowed hard. This was not her first choice of places to be but at least it would give her something to do. It was not until Ziva was in the overly bright and sterile room. That she noticed that Breena was not behind her. Moments later the doors opened and Breena came bursting in.

"Jimmy! We have to go! The daycare just called me. Tori fell of the swing." Breena cried.

"Is she OK?" Jimmy asked.

"They think that she will just need stitches but they want to check her for a concussion." Breena explained.

"Dr. Mallard..." Jimmy started.

"GO!" Ducky cried.

"What about Ziva. She probably won't want to wait at the hospital." Breena commented.

"I will drive her home." Tony offered.

Tony wasn't thrilled that Victoria was hurt, in fact he was quite concerned for her. He was however happy to have an opportunity to speak with Ziva. He hadn't exactly made the greatest impression with their first meeting. Justin being dead was no excuse to brag about him. Bragging parents were annoying no matter what their circumstances. It was especially cruel that he had bragged in front of Ziva's disabled child. He had basically belittled her child for being handicapped by bragging about his own son's physical capabilities. Maybe he was making a mistake by agreeing to drive her around.

"Do you want to go now or do you want meet the rest of the gang?" Tony asked.

"I should get Elijah. He might get scared with Tori gone." Ziva replied.

"Of course" Tony promised.

Like the elevator ride, the drive to the daycare center was made in silence. Ziva could not help but wonder why Tony was being so kind to her. She had been far from kind to him. Even though he had saved Rebecca from a nasty injury. She had seen how he had thrown himself down so she would land on his body rather than on the hard ground. She had heard that he had spoken with several of the market's employees. Making sure that the girl in the wheelchair was OK. He was such a kind soul and she had been so heartless to him. She should be ashamed of herself.

"Hey Tony?" Ziva called.

"Yes?" Tony replied.

"Never-mind" Ziva replied not wanting to start that conversation just yet.

Tony kept looking over to his passenger. He wondered what was going on in her head. Probably thoughts on how much of a jackass he had been. He wondered what had happened with Rebecca. Jimmy and Breena had mentioned a son. Ziva had only mentioned her son. There was no mention of preparing the house for a handicapped person. He wondered if Rebecca had remained in Israel with her father or in an institution. Then a terrible thought came to him. The girl must be dead. How and when had she died? Had it been because of him.

"Hey Ziva?" Tony asked.

"Yes?" Ziva replied.

"Is Elijah your only child?" Tony asked instantly regretting that question.

"Ye...Yes" Ziva stammered.

Ziva swallowed hard. She knew that Tony remembered her and would confront her eventually. She had just hoped for a little more time. She instantly regretted lying but she was not ready to open up that can of worms. She was not ready for the confrontation. Knowing that the truth would come out eventually. She decided to bite the bullet and tell the truth right then and there.

"Tony" Ziva sighed.

"What is it?" Tony asked.

"Elijah is not my first child. I had another before him. A little girl her name was Rebecca. She had Cerebral Palsy and she died when she was only seven years old." Ziva explained.

"I know" Tony confessed.

A shiver went down Tony's spine part of him wished that Ziva had kept up with the lie. At least then she would not remember him or at least admit to it. He was fully prepared for her to go off on him and declare that it was his fault that Rebecca had died. He had probably hurt her in some way and that was why she was no longer here.

"I am sorry to hear that." Tony replied.

"So am I." Ziva replied.

"Did she get sick?" Tony asked.

"Yes she died from a seizure. She could not come out and she stopped breathing. We tried to save her but it was too late." Ziva explained, describing her daughter's final moments but leaving out what had caused the fatal seizure.

"That must have been terrifying for you." Tony gasped.

"It was" Ziva agreed.

"I know she was disabled but was she happy or was she in pain?" Tony asked.

"She had a lot of pain. More than I could bear but she was happy. She smiled right up until the end. She brought great joy to my life. If she were not so joyful, I would have probably given up long before I lost her." Ziva explained.

* * *

 **A/N: Ziva is opening up more now. How long until she tells Tony the full truth? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	8. Feelings

Ziva could not seem to shake Tony from her mind. She could hear his voice and smell his cologne, and even feel his hand on her face. She remembered how he had stroked her cheek as she told him about Rebecca. He had opened up about Justin. They had only talked for the short drive between NCIS and the daycare center and the even shorter drive between the center and the Palmer's house. In the moment it had felt like hours but it had only been forty five minutes total. Forty-five minutes between leaving NCIS and being dropped off on the Palmer's porch. Tony was such a gentleman that he had walked her and Elijah up to the porch and watched her go inside. He even hung back for a minute to ensure that Ziva had collected all of her belongings.

Tony was a saint, a real mensch and he was handsome to boot. Ziva had been in love with him since the first day that she knew him. She had been married at the time. Well sort of married or she would have asked him out. Now she was divorced once and widowed once, and Tony was a widower. She had only been a widow for a year. She was not sure if she was ready to date again and even after nearly two decades. Tony may not be ready himself.

Tony let his thoughts drift to Ziva. He had trouble shaking her from his mind. He was happy that she had opened up to him. He knew how hard it was for her. In a way he felt guilty for forcing it out of her but he knew that opening up was what she needed. He had returned the favor by opening up about Justin. About the hours after the accident and the discussion of brain damage. About the painful decision Tony had made just hours after losing his wife. They had cried together. While Elijah sat in the backseat, having no idea what was going on.

Deep down Tony was quite fond of Ziva. He had had feelings for her that first day in the market, of course it would have never worked out then. For one thing she was still married to Adam, heading for divorce but married none the less. For another thing he would fly back to the United States just five days later and not see Ziva for an entire seven years. Well he saw her now and now they were living in the same area. Too bad she had only lost Elijah's father last year. He was not ready after a year and he assumed that Ziva would not be either.

Ziva curled up on the Palmer's couch with Elijah. She hated that Tori was in the hospital but it was nice to have the house to herself. She missed having her own place and having all that privacy. Elijah had decided on the afternoon programming block on PBS Kids. The warm afternoon and repetitiveness of the children's shows left her sleepy. She drifted in and out of awareness. She woke up in the middle of an episode of Daniel Tiger. The show must have been older than she thought. Because the sister who had been a toddler the night before. Was being born in this episode.

"Ima?" Elijah called.

"What is it baby boy?" Ziva asked.

"Why don't I have siblings?" Elijah asked.

"Remember Elijah, your Abba died before I could have another. Though I wish that I could give you a sister." Ziva explained.

"Oh yeah" Elijah sighed.

Tony started blankly at his desktop background. It was a picture of him, Kris, and tiny baby Justin. Elijah reminded him of Justin. Tony only met the child for twenty minutes or so but he saw how brilliant he was. Ziva was a lucky woman to have a son like that. He wished that he could be so lucky and still have his son. More than he yearned for Kris. He yearned for Elijah. He wondered if Ziva felt that way about Rebecca over the man who had been Elijah's father. He wondered about both of them but knew that he would not know for sometime. Maybe days, maybe weeks or months, but maybe years. It would all depend on what Ziva wanted.

Elijah was now asleep and PBS had switched over to the news. The newscaster droned on and on about the fragile state of America and the world. Ziva had enough depression and switched over to some local access cooking show. Ziva watched her boy sleep and drifted back to Tony. She wished that he was here. He was the best shoulder to cry on. He was one of the few that she could trust. He knew her pain and more than that he really cared. He was not just itching to hear a tragedy. She wondered if he knew how much he had done for her. She wished that she could race over to him and sweep him off of his feet.

Ziva closed her eyes and started to doze again. She held Elijah close, his soft breathing and gentle snoring was lulling her back to sleep. The front door swung open and Ziva's heart soared. For a moment she was sure that Tony was back and that they could hold each other and tell more stories about the children and loves they had lost. She heard Jimmy call something and her heart just broke. She sat up and began to sob right there on the couch.

"Ziva? What's wrong?" Breena asked coming into the room.

"No..Nothing. How is Tori?" Jimmy asked.

"Is that what this is about? She is fine. Just a busted lip and chin. She had to get five stitches in the lip and ten on the chin but they had a plastic surgeon do it and she won't have a scar." Breena assured.

"No concussion?" Ziva asked.

"None they did a scan right away and watched her for a bit even though everything came out normal. Jimmy and I are still going to keep her with us tonight." Breena explained.

"That's good news." Ziva replied.

"It is" Breena laughed.

"You OK?" Ziva asked.

"We are all a little shaken but we will be fine. If you don't mind we are just going to order in tonight. Any preferences?" Breena questioned.

"Anything is good for me." Ziva replied.

"Chinese food it is." Breena laughed.

"Palace of The Dragon?" Jimmy asked.

"My favorite and Tori just loves their teriyaki nuggets. Is that OK with you Ziva?" Breena asked.

"Sounds good" Ziva replied, kicking herself for being more concerned for a random man than she was for an injured child.

* * *

 **A/N: How long until Tony and Ziva admit their feelings for each other. New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	9. Self Conscious

The more Tony thought about her, the more he wanted to know her. He wanted to know more than just her tragedy. He wanted to know the greatest moments and everything in between. He wanted to know everything about her. He desperately wanted to have her in his life, at the very least as a good friend.

"Ziva told me that you guys hit it off the other day." Jimmy commented.

"She... She did?" Tony stammered.

"Yeah anyway Ed offered to take the kids for the night Friday. The senior center is showing old movies and everybody is bringing their grand-kids. He offered to take Elijah too. So Breena and I were going to catch a movie ourselves and go out to eat. At a real restaurant. We invited Ziva but she does not want to feel like a third wheel." Jimmy explained.

"I don't know about a date." Tony replied reluctantly.

"It's not a double date. It's just a friend thing. You two can talk and hang out. Just as friends but Ziva won't feel so left out." Jimmy clarified.

"That actually sounds fun." Tony replied, reluctantly.

Tony had been invited to the night out. That idea excited her but she wondered if it would be just that. A mere idea. She worried that Tony would change his mind or end up talking to Jimmy all night long. Ziva liked Breena well, but she did not see them having hours of conversation. She didn't exactly see Tony and her having a lot to discuss either. At least not much that they could discuss in public but at least they could be together. Maybe they would find a better common ground than both happening to have dead kids. That was about the most depressing thing you could have in love with a person.

Ziva was out back with Elijah. Jimmy and Breena had taken Tori to dinner at Ed's house. They had invited Ziva and Elijah but Ziva felt out of place. She had run to the store and got supplies to make dinner for herself and Elijah. The hot dogs and beans were cooking in the oven now. While she chased her only son around the yard. She adored moments like this. In part because she knew Elijah would one day be grown and not have time for moments like this. In part because she never got moments like this with Rebecca.

"Ima!" Elijah cried.

"Slow down Lijah. You are going to get hurt." Ziva warned.

"Ima!" Elijah cried jumping into Ziva's waiting arms.

Needless to say Tony had mixed feelings about the big dinner. He had come close to telling Jimmy that he could not make it, but when he went to break the news. Jimmy informed him that reservations had already been made and that Ziva was really looking forward to seeing him. He really could not turn her down. He had bailed on Jimmy and Breena plenty of times. Most of the time they were relieved. At least since Tori came along. He remembered that strange part of parenting well. Having Justin being with Kris' parents for a night or two. How they wanted a night out with their childless friends but ended up happy for a night in just them. With Ziva it was different. He knew how hard it was to put yourself out there, after such a tragedy. He could not screw her out of that. So he reluctantly selected a nice outfit to wear. That brought it's own challenge. He did not want anything too fancy that would imply he saw this as a date but he also did not want to look like a slob. After deciding against everything in his closet. He tossed on his over sized OSU shirt and a pair of tattered sweat pants, and went to bed. The dinner was not until Friday. He had time to figure something out.

Back at the Palmer's house Ziva found herself again studying her scars. Like Tony she worried about the implications of dressing to fancy, but also the shame of coming across as a slob. The only outfit that even remotely worked was a little black dress. A little black dress that showed off her scars. This was not a date but she did not want Tony to see the scars. At least not until she knew if there was anything to this relationship. She feared that he would see the scars and be repulsed by them. Not that she could really blame him. This was not a childhood bike accident scar or from stepping wrong after a few too many drinks. These were huge scars that covered her body. Deep welts that even after years of healing and surgery still looked fresh. The burns were the worst but the other scars were just as horrific. She felt terrible for being so self conscious. Rebecca and Amos had been dealt the worst of the blows. At least Elijah had been mostly spared. Having only a small scar that looked like a simple injury. At least she had been able to protect one of her children. With a heavy heart she slid down the bathroom wall and began to sob.

"Ziva?! Are you alright?" Jimmy gasped.

"I am ugly" Ziva sobbed.

"No you are not." Jimmy assured.

"Look at me! Look at the scars! It's been nearly two years! They aren't getting any better! They can't graft anymore. They can't do anymore! I am just ugly forever!" Ziva screamed.

"Ziva you are perfect." Jimmy assured.

"No I am not and he certainly will not see me that way." Ziva sniffed.

"Who?" Jimmy questioned.

"Tony" Ziva replied voice breaking.

"Ziva, Tony is not shallow. Especially after losing Kris and Justin." Jimmy assured.

"All men are shallow when it comes to the woman they find attractive. I am hideous. He will not want me in that way." Ziva sobbed, before heading back to bed defeated and alone.

* * *

 **A/N: How will things work out at the dinner? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	10. At Her Worst

Friday seemed to arrive in the blink of an eye. It was obvious to Jimmy and Breena that both parties were beyond nervous about the date. Even though it was a double date, not even a date really. The Palmer's were having a date. Tony and Ziva were just two guests who happened to be invited along. Even if nothing romantic came from the union. The pair needed each other, their tragic pasts were almost intertwined in how heartbreaking they were. Tony had Gibbs but Gibbs could only be a friend outside of the office. Ziva could be a friend and shoulder to cry on just about anywhere. Who knows maybe they would even be a family and fill the house with happy and healthy children.

Ziva paced nervously around her room. She had tried on everything that she owned, been to ten different stores, and tried on no fewer than a hundred different outfits. Nothing worked for her, nothing made her feel beautiful. They insisted that this was not a date but what if Tony thought it was? She could not take the risk of showing up and showing off how much of a horrid monster that she was.

"I have a blue dress you can burrow. It is a maternity dress but it covers just about all sins. I wore it for most of a year after Tori was born. It's nothing compared to what you are going through but I was so embarrassed by my stretch marks. I had no idea you could get them on your back." Breena explained.

"No you wear it. I don't think I can go through with this. Just tell Tony that I have a headache." Ziva replied.

"I am wearing the red version. Same dress but Jimmy likes me in red." Breena explained.

"I'll think about it." Ziva sighed.

Tony studied the medium blue suit that hung on the closet door. It was the best thing that he found. The suit he had been planning on wearing was also Kris' favorite suit. He looked amazing in it. Like an American, James Bond but in no way appropriate for a date. OK it was not a date but he was meeting another woman. Another woman who would not take kindly to him dressing in a suit that had aroused his dead wife.

Ziva studied herself in the mirror. Breena was right the dress did cover up her scars. It was also meant for a pregnant woman. A beautiful and perfect pregnant woman like Breena had been. She was just ugly and still carrying around about ten pounds from Elijah.

"What did I tell you? You look amazing!" Breena squealed.

"That is very nice but I cannot wear this. It is for pregnant woman." Ziva started.

"Oh please it's a first trimester maternity dress." Breena laughed.

"It is for woman with a glow and beauty that I do not have." Ziva croaked.

"Ziva you are gorgeous! One of the most beautiful people I have ever seen." Breena insisted.

"No I am not." Ziva argued.

"Ziva David! Wear the dress and enjoy yourself! You of all people deserve it!" Breena insisted.

"I'll try but if I get uncomfortable will you drive me home?" Ziva asked.

"Of course I will." Breena promised.

Tony studied himself in the blue suit. This suit did not give him the James Bond look. Rather it made him look like a middle aged man. He looked back at the sweats that sat on his bed. He remembered the days when he looked like a movie star in just dirty, old sweats. Now those gave him the feeble old man look. There were only ten years or so between Ziva and him but it may as well have been a century. A perfect young woman like her. No way she would want to date a middle aged and bordering on old man like himself. He thought about calling Jimmy and saying that he was sick. He had even dialed the phone but again they had already made the reservations. He was lost in thought and did not even notice that Jimmy had picked up on the other end.

"Hello?! TONY! Are you OK?! TONY! PICK UP NOW OR I AM SENDING 911 TO YOUR HOUSE!"

"Oh shit, Jimmy I meant to hang up."

"What is going on? Are you feeling alright?"

"Fine just having a nasty case of the nerves."

"I hear that. So what can I do for you?"

"Like I said I am having nerves. I don't know if I can handle the date."

"It's not a date and Ziva is just as nervous as you are."

"Yeah whatever. Anyway if things get awkward. Will you be willing to drive me home?"

"I don't see any problem with that."

"Thanks, Palmer you are a real pal."

"No trouble Tony but don't stress. It is just a casual thing for you two."

Ziva and the Palmer's arrived to the restaurant first. Jimmy and Breena went in first and were instructed to wait. Their reservations were for eight and it was only seven forty-five. Ziva walked around outside and was soon very intimidated. This was not just a simple, little place. It was a large, fancy restaurant. A small broke ran along the back and the porch was lit by custom made lanterns. She could hear a violin being played from within and a man was walking around the deck trying to sell flowers to men. She spotted a bus boy, puffing on a cigarette behind the bushes. A sick feeling washed over Ziva. She leaned over and emptied her stomach, all over Breena's dress.

"Great!" Ziva cried kicking the ground. She stumbled forward, tripping over the wheel stop. She fell hard on her face. She could feel the blood beginning to trickle down her forehead. A man can running over to her and scooped her up. Her cheeks turned bright red when she saw that it was Tony. She was crying and the tears were stinging her scarred cheeks.

"Are you OK?" Tony asked.

"No" Ziva sniffed.

"Do you need the hospital? Should I get Jimmy and Breena?" Tony asked.

"No don't worry their night with ruin." Ziva slurred.

"That's it I am getting Jimmy and Breena and taking you to the hospital." Tony insisted.

"No they need this. Just me home, take." Ziva slurred.

"I will tell the Palmer's to stay but I am taking you to the hospital." Tony insisted.

"OK" Ziva yawned.

"Stay with me Z, you have to stay awake." Tony called.

* * *

 **A/N: Well you know what they say about seeing him/her at their worst. New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	11. Concussion

Tony held Ziva close as he carried her to his car. He did his best to keep her awake and talking as he did. She was having trouble speaking but she seemed lucid, or as lucid as she could be. Once he had her secured into his passenger seat, he called Jimmy.

"Jimmy, it's Tony."

"Please tell me you aren't backing out. It was a huge fight to get Ziva out of the house."

"No Jimmy I am here, but Ziva. She tripped over a parking bumper and fell. She hit her head really hard. She had thrown up. I think it happened before but she is disoriented. She's talking but she goes in and out of lucidity. I am driving her to the hospital."

"That's what that was? I heard somebody calk an ambulance. This happened on restaurant grounds and she really needs a neck brace. Keep her in your car so she is safe, I will tell the staff."

"Thanks Palmer, I will ride with her in the ambulance. I can get my car tomorrow."

Ziva got sick again in the ambulance. Upon arriving to the hospital she was raced back for a cat-scan. Tony chased after the gurney but the door was slammed in his face. He pretty much expected that. Even if he were her serious boyfriend. Only patients and doctors were allowed in the cat-scan room. Even on security detail he had to stand outside the door.

Jimmy and Breena forfeited their reservations and rushed to the hospital to be by Ziva's side. On the way Breena called Ed and filled him in on the circumstances. He agreed to keep the children for the night. Tests tended to take a while and by the time they knew enough about Ziva and could get home. It would be awfully late and the babies would likely already be asleep.

Jimmy also stopped off for a couple of burgers on the way to the hospital. Fast food burgers, given at half price due to being minutes away from the throw out time and the restaurant due to close soon. Were far from the gourmet dinner the Palmer's had planned but they did not mind. Their only concern was Ziva.

"Boy I hope Ziva is OK." Jimmy commented.

"Me too, she has been through enough already." Jimmy sighed.

Tony paced nervously around the hospital waiting room. He was immensely worried about her. She seemed to be OK but even a minor concussion could have serious consequences. Eventually Jimmy and Breena arrived and tossed a burger into his lap. He was sick with worry and handed the burger off to the nurse who had forgotten her wallet at home and had not eaten since before her shift. She was grateful and promised to pay Jimmy and Breena back. None of them cared. It was a cheap burger and everybody was worried about Ziva.

"Family of Ziva David" The doctor called.

"That's us" Tony replied.

"I am Dr. James, the on call neurologist this evening. What is your relation to our patient?" Dr. James asked.

"She is my girlfriend." Tony lied.

"And my sister." Jimmy added.

"OK well Mrs. David has a minor concussion. She is stable and they have her set up in a regular room. She is resting now and it is past visiting hours. We want to watch her at least for tonight but she should be released by morning." Dr. James explained.

"Any special instructions?" Jimmy asked.

"She will have a follow up visit in five days. At which point she should be cleared by our regular neurologist. Until she is cleared she will need somebody with her at all times, she will be unable to drive. Even short distances and she cannot partake in any activity that may result in a blow to the head." Dr. James explained.

"She is living with us. My husband is a doctor and I have extensive first aide training." Breena replied.

"I can keep an eye on her when they are out. I played collegiate basketball, studied to be a physical education coach, and have been a police officer for over two decades. I know concussions. I know what to watch for." Tony explained.

"I am glad to see she is in good hands. I have to get to another patient but you can have me paged if you have anymore questions." Dr. James explained.

Jimmy and Breena went home after hearing Ziva's results, but Tony stayed at the hospital. He slept on an uncomfortable couch and consulted with Dr. James at every opportunity. They were always the same. Ziva was sleeping and stable, there would be a chance to see her in the morning. Until then Tony tossed and turned and prayed. He needed Ziva to be OK so they could have a real date.

Ziva feigned sleep to hide her humiliation. This was hands down the most embarrassing experience of her life. She was sure that Jimmy and Breena were furious at her for ruining their evening and that Tony thought she was the biggest jackass whoever lived. She wished that, that fall had just killed her. Of course then Elijah would be an orphan. Maybe he was better that way. At least then he could go to a real home. Rather than living with a deformed and broken mother.

First thing in the morning Tony was awake and itching for updates. He downed half a pot of coffee just to stay awake for the news. Jimmy and Breena would be driving Ziva and him home. Then later Jimmy would take him for his car. Right now however that stupid car was the least of his concerns, Ziva was the greatest.

"Mrs. David has been taken back for a follow up scan. She is speaking more clearly and able to answer questions today. As long as her scan OK, she will be released by lunch time." Dr. James explained.

"Is she allowed visitors yet?" Tony asked.

"As soon as she is back in her room and I think that she needs it. The nurses reported that she was crying late last night. She would not tell anybody what was wrong and faked being asleep if anybody tried talking to her." Dr. James explained.

 **A/N: Will Tony be able to get through to Ziva? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading.**


	12. Admission

Ziva pulled herself into a sitting position, her head throbbing. It was nearly lunch time and she was desperate to get out of the hospital. If she could get out. They would not release her alone and she did not see anybody wanting to come get her. She figured the Palmer's were off trying to enjoy themselves, she had ruined their night after all. She was not sure where Tony was but she doubted that he would come. They had only just met. They were not even friends yet.

An alarm sounded and Ziva leaped out of panic. She had always hated hospitals and it had only gotten worse since Rebecca. All those weeks and months after Rebecca was born. The numerous hospital stays and emergency room trips that came with Rebecca's illness. So many sleepless nights and so many tearful hugs. When a friend from the ward learned their baby would never come home. Hospitals were places of pain. The last place in the world Ziva ever wanted to be.

The good news was that they cleared the code. Whoever was in trouble was alive. For now. Ziva closed her eyes and fell back onto the bed. By this point she was desperate to return home. Whatever or wherever home maybe.

The door to her room swung open and a nurse entered. Rhonda was the one bright spot in Ziva's stay. Rhonda the sassy black nurse, that made Ziva look around for cameras. She had been convinced that in her stupor. She had agreed to guest star on an multi camera sitcom. No Rhonda was real and Ziva learned that she was the niece of Shirley. The owner over the diner where Ziva had eaten one of her first nights back in America.

"Good news Ziv. You are going home." Rhonda announced.

"I am? How?" Ziva questioned.

"Your friends Jimmy and Breena are on the way. They just had to find a sitter for their daughter and your son." Rhonda explained.

"Oh when are they getting here?" Ziva asked.

"Should be twenty minutes to half an hour." Rhonda replied.

"Still a while." Ziva sighed.

"Don't worry you have a friend coming to see you while you wait." Rhonda explained.

"Who? I don't know anybody." Ziva questioned.

"Honey you don't have to be coy. You are a grown woman and it is perfectly acceptable for your boyfriend to come." Rhonda assured.

"Boyfriend?" Ziva asked.

"The handsome cop with green eyes and a million dollar smile." Rhonda replied.

"Oh Tony he isn't my boyfriend. I am not even sure if he is a friend." Ziva clarified.

"Your kidding! You aren't even dating yet and he spent the night on a hard couch, driving my nurses crazy. Girl, jump on that man before I take him for myself." Rhonda insisted.

"You can have him. He would like you better than me anyway. You are not so broken." Ziva scoffed.

"We are all a little broken. If you are lucky enough find somebody willing to carry you through the darkest of times. You need to stick to them. Believe me you do not want to let a love like that to slip through the cracks." Rhonda demanded.

"I've had my heart broken before. It is not easy for me." Ziva sighed.

Tony paced nervously outside of Ziva's room. Ziva had been tense all morning and her doctor was leery of letting anybody into her room. Her nurse had agreed to talk to her, to calm her down, so he could have a visit with her. Jimmy and Breena would be here soon and Ziva would go home with them. Tony would ride a bus to collect his car. It had been a rough night and he was running on less than three hours of sleep. He doubted that he would get a chance to see her until he was her nurse the next morning so the Palmer's could go to church. He would be caring for her in the evenings until she was well and that was great, but he wanted to spend time with her. Just as her friend. He wanted to work his way into her heart and make her his own. She could have all the friends she wanted but he would be the only one to have her heart. In the romantic sense anyway.

"She is ready" Rhonda announced.

"To see me?" Tony gasped.

"I finally wore her down." Rhonda replied.

"Thank you" Tony cried.

Ziva sat in her hospital bed and waited. It had only been a few seconds and she was already doubting her choice. Rhonda was long gone and there was no going back now. All she could do was sit and wait. The door opened and Tony stepped into the room. He walked over and took a seat in the chair beside her bed.

"How are you feeling?" Tony asked.

"I've had better days and I've had worse." Ziva replied.

"Sounds about right." Tony replied.

"Did you really stay all night?" Ziva questioned.

"I did." Tony replied.

"Why?" Ziva asked.

"Because I care very deeply for you. I care for you in a way I have not cared for a woman in a long time. I have not felt this way about anybody since Kris died." Tony explained.

"How do I know that you aren't just saying that?" Ziva questioned.

"Because I would not never disregard my wife's memory like that. I could not and I would not. What I say to you is genuine." Tony promised.

"How can you? I am so damaged?" Ziva asked.

"Because Ziva David, I am as damaged as you are." Tony replied.

"At least you are kind. I was hardened by my losses. Your heart has seemed to only grow." Ziva sighed.

"We all have our moments. Stop fighting and give me a chance. I need that chance but you need it twice as much as I do." Tony insisted.

"OK, I will take a chance on you." Ziva replied, opening her heart for the first time in far too long.

* * *

 **A/N: At least they finally confessed their true feelings. New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	13. Sleepless

Tony was over the moon. He could not believe that Ziva had finally agreed to go out with him. They would be going for a simple dinner at the Olive Garden one week from what was supposed to be their first date. Far from the fancy, authentic, French restaurant they were supposed dine at but still a lovely date. Just a cozy dinner between two damaged souls.

Before Tony could collect his car, he had to assure the restaurant staff that Ziva was going to be fine. The staff offered him a free meal but he turned it down. Telling them to give it to Jimmy and Breena instead. Ziva didn't exactly have the best memories of this place and besides he did not want to count his chickens before they hatched. He did not want to get excited about this relationship, only to have it crash and burn. He loved Ziva but he did not know if she liked him back. Even if she did they had so many problems that they needed to work through. Before they could officially call themselves a couple. If they ever could.

Ziva made herself comfortable in the Palmer's guest room. She had hoped to get a few job applications filled out this week. Taking that first step towards being able to move out of the Palmer's house and lived on her own. They had been very hospitable but even the warmest hosts had their limits. She wanted to get out before Jimmy and Breena got sick of her. If they weren't already that is.

"How are you feeling?" Jimmy asked, entering the room.

"I have been better. My head is killing me." Ziva admitted.

"You are due for a pain killer. Do you want one?" Jimmy asked.

"I was hoping to stop once I left the hospital but this pain is maddening." Ziva explained.

"You only have one day of these. Then we are going to switch to Aspirin. If the pain does not improve within a couple days. You need to bump up your appointment. If it gets really bad tell Breena or me, and we will take you to the hospital." Jimmy explained.

"What is really bad?" Ziva groaned as she swallowed her pain killer.

"Bad enough that you cannot sit up or move." Jimmy replied.

"I am not there. Yet." Ziva sighed.

"Good" Jimmy replied.

Tony stopped by the Palmer's house on the way home. He was happy to hear that while Ziva was in pain. She was coping well. She had spoken with Jimmy and even eaten a light lunch. The night before she could not keep anything down, and that morning she had gagged and was only able to eat a couple of bites of her breakfast. Tony said a prayer that she would continue on her upswing and soon be cleared by her neurologist. He knew concussions all to well. His worst being in Peoria. He was a rookie and got smart with an older suspect. Suspect was a vice detective who went dirty and did not take kindly to sass. He had knocked Tony over the head with a night stick and then knocked him to the curb. He spent a week in the hospital for that one and when he was out. His chief transferred him to Philadelphia. That blow was a major wake up call. Especially since he had a son waiting for him to come home. As he drove away from the Palmer's he wondered how Ziva would be if she did not have Elijah. Granted her concussion was not that bad but things could have gotten much worse if she felt that she had no reason to be checked out. He shuddered to think what could have happened if she had not cared, the previous evening.

After eating a small lunch, Ziva started to fall asleep. She felt guilty for dumping Elijah on the Palmer's. She had meant to entertain the children in the afternoon but she was just so exhausted. She could not even care for herself. How was she supposed to care for children?

Ziva was hoping for peaceful dreams. She had no such luck. Her slumber was haunted by nightmares. The same nightmares she had been having for so many years. Dreams of her daughter and the horrible end she met.

"Rebecca!" Ziva cried bolting up in bed.

Tony sat on the edge of his bed. He was exhausted but he had no desire to go to sleep. He had suffered a horrible nightmare. The dream of coming upon the scene of the accident. He was on duty that night. One of his last nights on patrol. They were the closest. Even before he knew who was in the car. He was sickened. His partner at the time got out first. He raced back to the car and sped away without saying anything. Just calling to have different officers sent the scene. They were on the way to the station when he was called to the hospital. Somewhere in that blur his partner confessed the truth. They had been at the scene of his family's accident. If Tony had gotten out of the car first. He would have seen Kris' partially decapitated head hanging out of the window.

Ziva forced herself out of bed and down the hall to the kids' room. She walked inside and scooped Elijah off of his bed. She held him close and sobbed. He was the only comfort she could find in the wake of these nightmares. Before him she would just sob until she vomited and then vomit until she cried. Now with Elijah she managed to find control before the pain got too bad. Her heart broke for Tony. He had nobody to cling to in the wake of the nightmares. She wondered how he had survived all these years. Because she barely survived the five before she had Elijah. He was an amazing man and it warmed her heart. Knowing that he had chosen her to hold his heart. She just prayed that she did not destroy everything.

* * *

 **A/N: The date happens in the next chapter. New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	14. Sort of Date

Once again Friday rolled around and once again the day was met with anxiety. Both Tony and Ziva were having second thoughts about their big date. Both wished that they had agreed to allow Jimmy and Breena double with them.

Ziva sat on the edge of the guest bed. She had ruined the last dress of Breena's she had borrowed. Even though Breena had offered but she turned her down. No sense ruining any more of her friend's clothes. Instead she went out and bought a new dress. The only dress she even remotely liked showed off her scars. Tony would see them eventually. May as well reveal the awful truth now.

"It's not too late to borrow something of mine." Breena offered.

"I already ruined one of your dresses." Ziva reminded.

"You stained it but you didn't ruin it. I can't wear it out anymore but I can wear it once the baby arrives. It will get puked on anyway." Breena assured.

"I am OK." Ziva assured.

It was a simple date. Tony selected a red button down shirt and a pair of khaki pants. It seemed like a good idea in the store, but now that he actually had them on. He looked like a major dork. He figured that Ziva would laugh and leave. She was a nice enough woman but he looked like he hadn't bothered changing out of his work uniform. He wanted to change but it was too late. If he changed now he would be late to get to the restaurant.

Ziva had driven herself to the Olive Garden. Tony had been a gentlemen and offered but she had to pick up a prescription and drop off some paperwork. Not wanting to make him wait or worse force him to take her on errands. Besides the paperwork she was dropping off at her shrink's office. She wasn't too keen on Tony knowing she was seeing a shrink. He knew she had pain but if he knew she was getting intensive therapy. He may be tempted to pry. There were some secrets she just did not want to share.

Tony wished that he could have picked Ziva up. He had tried to get Jimmy to convince her. Jimmy revealed to him that Ziva had to run a few errands before the date. Tony wished that Ziva would see how much he cared for her. He would have gladly let her run her errands before their date.

Once again Ziva arrived to the restaurant first. Not wanting a repeat of the previous week. Ziva went ahead and got a table. She took out her phone and checked Facebook while she waited. That was a big mistake. Eight years ago she had been spending the day at Rebecca's school. Her heart ached seeing her daughter. Rebecca's health had been pretty good at that time. She had rosy cheeks and bright eyes. Ziva could not help but cry when she saw the picture of her dancing with Rebecca in her wheelchair. Her baby girl should be here.

"Hey? What's wrong?" Tony asked.

"Nothing. I am going to freshen up. If the waiter comes back tell him I want a refill on my tea. Go ahead and get an appetizer if you want. I am not picky." Ziva rambled.

Tony felt terrible for being late. He had just happened to pass Delilah sitting on the side of the road with a flat. McGee was debriefing with SecNav following his recent mission and did not have his phone on. Tony could not just leave her. He helped her get the spare tire on and then followed her to the shop. He was still only ten minutes late but a gentlemen was never late. He arrived to the restaurant in time to see Ziva burst into tears. He asked what was wrong but she just raced off to the bathroom.

Ziva splashed cool water over her face. She could not believe she had embarrassed herself again. They had driven separately. She was seriously considering saying she had to go and banking on third time being a charm. No Tony had already paid for movie tickets. Jimmy had spoiled the surprise for her. She dried her face and removed her make-up. She looked like crap but better than she had in smeared and poorly applied eye shadow. She returned to the table just in time to see Tony chatting up the most beautiful woman she had ever seen. What was worse he was waving her over. She charged over to the scene. She did not expect romance but she did expect him to be a gentlemen.

"You couldn't even get through the date?! Is it my scars?!" Ziva demanded.

"Ziva you don't understand!" Tony called.

Tony was utterly mortified. He was not even flirting with this woman. The woman he was talking to was Rochelle. His married social worker. He had tried to adopt a baby a few years ago. He still had a file with the agency but had to step back after Gibbs got shot. He did not have the time or energy to care for a child. Things had settled down now and he was considering restarting the process.

"You should go after her." Rochelle commented.

"Already gone." Tony replied.

Ziva knew it was too good to be true. She knew that Tony was too good. She ran from the restaurant and collapsed into her car. She buried her head in her arms and burst into tears. She could not believe that this had happened. He came racing out and began pounding on her window. She was with him.

"What do you want?!" Ziva demanded.

"Hello Ziva, I am Rochelle." Rochelle greeted.

"It's pretty ballsy to have the woman you were flirting with meet your date." Ziva scoffed.

"I am not Mr. DiNozzo's date. I am his social worker and I am here with my husband." Rochelle explained.

"Social worker?" Ziva questioned.

"For the adoption agency." Rochelle explained.

"You are adopting a baby?" Ziva asked.

"I was. It's a long story. If you will have me. I will explain everything." Tony promised.

By the time Tony talked Ziva into going back inside, the restaurant had given away their table. Rather than waiting an hour for another table. They took their order to go and went over to the park to eat. They sat on top of the picnic tables and watched the sun go down.

"You never told me you were adopting." Ziva commented.

"Only Jimmy and Breena know. They were the ones who put me in touch with the agency. I had just begun the process when Gibbs got shot. I had to take over the team and deal with a few personal issues. Now that everything is back to normal. I want to reopen my case. I'd have to move though." Tony explained.

"I think that you need to. You deserve to be a father again." Ziva replied.

"We could be parents. If this works out." Tony commented.

"I am probably too old to have anymore. I was considered old for Elijah and that was years ago." Ziva explained.

* * *

 **A/N: Will Tony go through with the adoption? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	15. The Decision

Tony really did love the idea of adopting a baby. Kris and him had discussed adopting a baby a few times. Kris had suffered from hyperemesis and knew she did not want to get pregnant again. Adoption seemed like the best bet. They were young when Justin was born and decided to wait until he was older. They wanted him to be a part of the process. Justin was seven and they decided that it was the right time. Justin would have been young enough to enjoy a brother or sister. At least for a couple of years but old enough to understand the adoption process. Then Kris was given a great opportunity at her work. She jumped on it and the adoption process was held off. They were just starting to discuss it again. Then the accident happened.

The Palmer's beginning an adoption journey was not the first time Tony had considered adoption in his grief. It was just the first time he was well enough to be as much as considered for the process.

He had begun the initial process. He had been approved but his apartment did not pass the home study. He had been given time to find a larger place and was in the middle of searching when Gibbs was shot. Having to give up the process was the hardest decision he had ever made but it was necessary. Nobody knew if Gibbs would survive and if he did what the future would hold. Tony could not promise he would get back into his Senior Field Agent role. With a heavy heart he withdrew his application in favor of focusing on his job. Gibbs was back and Tony was actually doing well. It actually was a possibility.

"I think you should do it." Jimmy declared, setting a cinnamon bun down on Tony's desk.

"Huh?" Tony asked.

"Ziva told me that you were considering adoption again." Jimmy explained.

"It's not to be taken lightly. Especially as a single father." Tony commented.

"It is not but I know how badly you want to be a father again and I know that you will be an excellent father." Jimmy assured.

"I know I will but I still have a lot to think about." Tony replied.

Ziva prayed that Tony would go through with the adoption process. She knew that Elijah had healed her heart and Tony deserved the same right. She knew that many adoption agencies liked reference letters. She had only known Tony for a short time but she would gladly write a letter on his character. She had seen his true character the day of what should have been their first date.

"Do you think he will do it?" Ziva asked.

"Who?" Breena questioned.

"Do you think that Tony will go through the adoption process?" Ziva asked.

"It is not an easy decision to make. Both Jimmy and I had always been interested in adoption. Still we went back and forth for years." Breena explained.

"What is so hard about it?" Ziva asked.

"Everything it is expensive and emotionally draining. Jimmy and I were days away from becoming parents when the birth mother changed her mind. It was devastating. We want to adopt but we cannot find the courage to try again." Breena explained.

"That is how I felt after Rebecca died. Even though Elijah's father was a good man. Far better than Rebecca's. I was so worried that something was wrong with me. That my body would not carry a healthy child. Even after they told us that Rebecca's condition was not genetic. My pregnancy with Elijah was a major surprise. I was so thrilled to be pregnant but I was terrified the whole time. Until Elijah started to walk and talk. I was just sure something was wrong." Ziva explained.

"I know that is how I will be if we try adopting again." Breena admitted.

"You should try adopting again and so should Tony." Ziva insisted.

"Our adoption will have to wait. Though I agree that Tony does need to try again." Breena replied.

Tony stared at the computer screen. He had logged into the adoption agency's website. He had filled out the initial paperwork. From here all he could do was wait. He had most of the money saved up. Being a federal agent was not the most lucrative career but Tony was actually very careful with money. He bought his nice cars but his apartment was cheap and most of his suits came from an uncle and now cousin in Italy who were tailors. Most of his money went to the bank. Just waiting for a use from a widowed, grieving father. A man with no real future. At least before he met Ziva. Ziva was the woman he loved and she was giving him the courage to adopt again. If this could work out. If he could somehow make a family. Himself, his adopted child, Ziva, and Elijah. He may just end up with the perfect family after all.

"What are you doing?" McGee asked.

"Nothing" Tony lied.

"Is that an adoption website?" McGee questioned.

"A friend of mine is adopting. I was just checking his profile." Tony lied.

"Jimmy?" McGee guessed.

"No you don't know him. He was a friend from college. We haven't talked in a few years but he has wanted a family for a while." Tony explained.

"Oh well good luck to your uh friend." McGee wished.

"Thank you" Tony replied.

Ziva lifted Elijah out of the tub. It would not be long before he was able to climb in and out by himself. Though Ziva would continue to hold his hand. A bathtub fall was one of Ziva's great fears. Anything that could kill or disable her child. She could handle special needs but she did not want her child to become disabled. She did not want it for herself, she did not want it for her child. Death was the thing that she could not handle. She knew she worried too much but she could not go through Rebecca again. She dried Elijah and put on his pajamas. She then lifted him over her shoulder and carried him off to bed. She tucked him in and read him his favorite story.

"Goodnight Elijah. I love you, very much." Ziva said.

"Night Ima" Elijah yawned.

* * *

 **A/N: Will Tony be approved to adopt? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	16. Home Study

Tony had cleared the first hurdle, finding a house. It was a small townhouse about three blocks from the Palmer's house. Two bedrooms, backyard, plenty of space for a child to play. The next hurdle was raising money for the adoption. McGee set up a GoFundMe to help the situation and numerous people from NCIS had made donations to the cause. Even Ziva had pitched in. It was not long before Tony had enough for the home study. The home study was set for a Thursday afternoon. Jimmy and Breena brought their extra plug covers and a few safety supplies.

"The thing with home studies. Is they want your house to be ready for a child to arrive that day. It could be a year and they still want everything ready." Jimmy explained.

"Do they give second chances?" Tony asked nervously.

"If you are close enough. Like if you have loose boards on the porch but everything else is safe. They will check just the problem areas." Jimmy explained.

"And your sure that Breena and you don't need any of this stuff?" Tony asked.

"We have plenty. Tori was our first child and we bought twice as much as we needed." Jimmy laughed.

"Do you think you will adopt again?" Tony asked.

"Breena and I talked about it last night actually. We have had two newborn babies and we can still have more. Once the baby is born and we are set into our groove we are going to adopt an older child. Most likely Tori's age or a little younger but we will see when we are actually in the process." Jimmy explained.

"Maybe our kids will be the same age." Tony commented.

"You are going for older?" Jimmy asked.

"The agency said it was harder for older and single parents to get newborns. I would love a newborn but like you said I got the newborn experience. I would prefer an older baby or a toddler." Tony explained.

"You will do great no matter what." Jimmy assured.

Ziva wished she could be there for the home study but Elijah had woken up with a cold. Nothing too serious but Ziva did not want to leave him. Jimmy said the home study part was pretty boring but Ziva was trying to be part of the entire process. Tony was adopting this child alone but if they ever got married. This would be her child as well.

"Hey Ziva!" Breena called.

"What?" Ziva asked.

"Jimmy just left Tony's house. He has to pick up his insulin. Do you want him to get some medicine for Elijah while he's there?" Breena asked.

"Won't he need a prescription?" Ziva asked.

"No just an over the counter medication." Breena clarified.

"If he does not mind. I will pay him back." Ziva replied.

"Are you going to need anything else before I call him back?" Breena asked.

"Not off hand." Ziva replied.

The home study went great. The only issue was an unsecured dresser in Tony's room but Gibbs said that was an easy fix. Tony had seven days to correct the issue to pass the home study. No big deal and once that was passed. He could officially begin the process. Again the social worker reminded him that it could be up to a year before he was matched. He knew that it would take a while but he was proud of himself for taking this major step. Between the adoption and beginning his relationship with Ziva. He was finally moving on after spending most of two decades in a fog. He had no intention of replacing Kris and Justin, and Ziva would never dream of trying. The new baby would be just that a new baby. No different than if he'd had another baby when Justin was still alive. There was a knock on the door. Ton set his book down and walked over.

"How did it go?" Ziva asked.

"I just have to secure some furniture. Gibbs is going to help me this weekend." Tony explained.

"Then you are approved?" Ziva asked.

"Pretty much" Tony replied.

"Excellent" Ziva replied.

"I thought Elijah was sick." Tony commented.

"Just a cold and he is feeling better now. He has never had this many colds. He has an appointment tomorrow to rule out environmental allergies. If not I guess it is just the changes." Ziva explained.

"I hope it's just the changes. I had allergies growing up. It's rough." Tony recalled.

"Really? Because McGee said you mess with him all the time for his allergies." Ziva laughed.

"I can be a dick sometimes but nobody as any allergies as McGee." Tony explained.

"At least you admit it." Ziva replied.

Tony and Ziva set a date for the following Friday. Tony was hoping by the next date he would officially be officially in the system. He could not wait to fill out the profile and McGee had even promised to help him set up a Facebook page. From there it was just waiting for a birth mother or to be matched with a baby. Tony was open any age from newborn to eight. He knew that older children especially teenagers needed homes but he had missed out on ten years of Justin's life. Years that he was hoping to live through with his next child. He did not care the gender. He just wanted a child. He was OK with a special needs child but had not been approved for special needs adoption. Special needs adoption took more steps. Steps Tony was not ready to take just yet but he would consider it if he decided to adopt again.

Tony looked out his window. His neighbor across the street was already putting up Christmas lights. According to Jimmy the owners' grandchildren visited their other grandparents in Europe every other year. This was the only way they could experience Christmas with the American grandparents every year. It was still early but Tony had been thinking about the holidays. He had dreaded that time of year since losing his family. This year was no exception but for the first time since losing them. He had hope.

"Maybe this time next year I will be watching with my baby." Tony said to himself.

* * *

 **A/N: How long before Tony gets his baby? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	17. Date Night

Tony had passed the home study. The interview was in three weeks. The wait seemed interminable but he was grateful for the time to prepare. He wanted a baby but knew that it would not happen overnight. Though he wished that it would.

The good news was that he had a distraction from all the waiting. His second big date with Ziva. They tried to get together every week but for the most part it was just small coffee dates or talking on the Palmer's front lawn. This week they finally had the chance to enjoy a real date. First they would go out for dinner at Shirley's and then they would go to a movie. They would end the night with desert. Tony wasn't sure where they would stop for desert. After taking Kris for a first date at Baskin Robins only to be informed that she was lactose intolerant. He was going to be far more careful with Ziva.

Ziva was looking forward to her real date with Tony. She loved the small dates, just being around him really. He was such a great guy and this adoption was a major deal to him. She loved the way his eyes lit up when he talked about it. She was happy for him but she wanted more time with him. She knew that soon they would have time. Soon they would take their kids to the park together. Soon they would be married and make a nice little family.

"You ready?" Breena asked.

"Just about. I just need to find some earrings." Ziva replied.

"Here" Breena said handing Ziva a cardboard box.

"I thought I told you I a not borrowing anything else from you." Ziva reminded.

"No you can have these." Breena replied.

"Are you sure? They look expensive." Ziva gasped.

"Not really and I have two pairs. I had my eye on them and I didn't thing Jimmy was taking my hints. So when I saw they were on sale. I splurged and bought them for myself. Two weeks later Jimmy gave me the exact same pair on Christmas." Breena explained.

"You should keep them. Just in case." Ziva insisted.

"Ziva there is something you should know about me." Breena started.

"What? Are you OK?" Ziva asked.

"I am fine but I never had many girl friends. My mom died when I was pretty young. So it was just my dad and me. It didn't help I grew up in a funeral home and was comfortable with death. The boys all wanted to know what a dead body felt like but the girls were repulsed by me. By high school things had evened out but I was so used to being one of the guys. I honestly did not care. Until I got pregnant with Tori. Once pregnancy and babies were in my life. I realized how much I needed girlfriends but as they say. Old habits die hard. You are one of the few woman who gets me. I know material stuff is just crap but I want to be a part of you." Breena explained.

"I never had many girl friends either. I never had many friends." Ziva admitted.

"You do now and boy am I glad. Jimmy is Tony's best friend. If you guys work out and get married. It will be perfect." Breena explained.

"That would be great." Ziva agreed.

"Thanks Z" Breena replied.

Tony studied himself in the mirror. This time he had chosen jeans and his black NCIS shirt. It was a real date but Ziva had agreed to keep it casual. Tony loved his nice suits and Ziva dressed well but after a long day. They just wanted to be comfortable. Both parties had been working all week and just wanted to relax.

Ziva untied her pony tail and let her hair fall flat against her back. She had spent twenty minutes doing her hair. Only to yank everything out and put it into a neat pony tail. She soon got sick of that and yanked out her pony tail. She brushed her hair and shoved the hair tie into her purse. She always had her hair up but it had been up all day. She had just started a job at the college teaching Hebrew for a night class. It was only six weeks but it was money and experience. Tony had recommended her for a job at NCIS but it was a lengthy process.

"Ziva! Tony's here!" Breena called.

"Coming!" Ziva called back.

Tony watched in awe as Ziva made her way into the living room. She wore a baby blue blouse and dark jeans. Her hair was down and looked unkempt but she still looked amazing. Tony noticed that she had a pair of blue and purple earrings. Breena had the same pair. She had great taste, he was glad that she was rubbing off on Ziva.

"Ziva" Tony gasped.

"I know I look terrible. I am sorry I tried to dress up but I had a long day." Ziva apologized.

"No Z, you look great." Tony replied.

"You are just saying that." Ziva sighed.

"I do not just say things." Tony insisted.

Tony sat by Ziva's side on the lawn by the old movie house. What had started out as misfortune had turned into an amazing treat. A small fire with the popcorn machine forced the theater to be closed for the rest of the night. Not wanting to rob employees of a night's work. The owner had his wife bring their old projector and set up an outdoor movie. Tony was lucky enough to be watching Casa Blanca with Ziva. A romantic movie with a depressing ending not the best choice for a second date but Tony did not mind. He loved the movie and Ziva had never seen it before. He held her close and watched for every reaction. She seemed to like it. Until the end. She cried but so did he.

"What did you think?" Tony asked.

"So sad but so beautiful." Ziva replied.

"Just like us." Tony whispered.

* * *

 **A/N: How long until Tony meets his baby? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	18. Approval

The interview went great and Tony was officially on the waiting list. He could be on that list anywhere from two weeks to three years. Maybe longer but three years was the longest he'd heard of a wait with that agency and that was largely due to the family having very specific desires. Tony did not care. He just wanted a baby or a small child. He wanted to be a daddy again, or as Ziva said it Abba.

Even though it could be a while and there was a chance that he would be matched with an older child. Ziva still sorted through Elijah's old clothes. She picked out the ones that were still good but she was not overly attached to. Secretly she wanted another baby but knew it was not likely to happen. So she did the next best thing and donated her leftovers to Tony. Jimmy and Breena were doing the same with the outfits that Tori had out grown. Even more than she wanted to have another baby. A healthy girl would be nice. She wanted Tony to be an Abba again. She had seen Tony with Tori and Elijah. He was amazing. He needed to have a baby again. No he did not need to, he deserved it.

Tony sorted through the list of birth mother's. They were all great or seemed to be but none of them were for him. Out of curiosity Tony went to the part for babies already born and older children. He looked first at the older children. They all seemed like great kids and he wanted to help them but he did not feel a connection. Toddlers were the same great and he wanted to help but not connection. Then he went over to babies...

Ziva watched Elijah sleep. She thought about Tony and how he was about to adopt his own little angel.

She had thought about adopting but Adam was against it. Saying they were unwanted for a reason. After he stopped caring and all but left. She wanted to but could not as a single mom. Certainly not with Rebecca. She adored her daughter but she required constant care as it was. Ziva would not have time for a baby or a needy child. After Rebecca died she was just too depressed. When she met Amos they had talked about adopting but her pregnancy with Elijah was unexpected. They were going to wait a year. Then Amos was killed. Again single mom and again depressed and destroyed. Now that was was in America. She could not even begin the process until she became a citizen. That would take at least five years. She would be too old by then.

Ziva grabbed her keys off the table and headed for the car. She had to cover somebody's shift tonight. The last thing she wanted to do but she could really use the money. The holidays were coming up and she wanted money to buy gifts for her family and friends. She got into the car and headed towards her work. Tony was heavy on her mind. She wondered why. Yes they were dating but it was not boyfriend Tony on her mind. It was soon to be adoptive father Tony. She prayed that it was good news. Tony could not take another heart break. Especially if it were over a child.

Tony stared at the screen mesmerized. It was a little boy. Seven months old. The mother had from a rare pregnancy complication. Some kind of weird cancer or something. The father had died two months before the mother. He had severe PTSD from a childhood trauma and ended up committing suicide when he learned his wife was sick. The fathers' family was not around and the mother's family saw the child as bad luck and shoved him away. The baby had been adopted at birth but the parents walked away when they learned the baby could develop cancer as well. Seven months old and baby boy was doing great. No cancer and developing on track but potential parents were scared away by the worry of cancer. Tony was terrified of losing another child but he loved this boy. There was just something about this little boy. It was not that Tony wanted to adopt him. He had to. He immediately called the agency and prayed that they would become a match.

"Fostering Hope and Grace, Adoptions. This Lisa speaking how may I help you?"

"Hi this is Tony DiNozzo may I speak with Rochelle Adams?"

"She left early today. May I take a message."

"Yes tell her that I am interested in adopting Baby Boy Quincy."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes"

"You know that he could develop cancer? Correct?"

"I do"

"And you are willing to take the risk? You will raise and love him even if he were to become ill?"

"Yes"

"Would you be able to handle the worst happening?"

"Yes"

 _The worst happening._ That phrase kept repeating in Tony's head. This Lisa person did not know and that was for the best. She did not know that Tony had already bee through the worst happening. A car accident was different from cancer but the heartbreak was the same. Tony would be destroyed if the worst happened but what would hurt more. Was Baby Boy Quincy growing up in foster care. What was worse was knowing that if the worst were too happen. Baby Boy Quincy would more likely than not die without a family and alone in a cold hospital room. There was no way that Tony was going to let that happen. He wanted Baby Boy Quincy to never get sick and never have problems. He wanted him to live a full life, go to school, start a career, get married, have a family of his own and die an old man. He wanted desperately to see that happen but what he wanted more was to know that if the worst did happen sweet, Baby Boy Quincy would not die alone. Rather he would die in the arms of a loving and caring father.

* * *

 **A/N: Will the adoption work out? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	19. Memory

Tony had to take one more class before he could adopt Baby Boy Quincy. Naturally he aced the class and would get his son the following week. He would foster Baby Boy for a year before he could legally adopt his son. It should be easy but Tony still had his lawyer on retainer.

Tony and Ziva were going on one last date before Tony became a father. The last date just the two of them. Their next date would be a family date. Tony's son and Elijah would be joining them. They'd had numerous dates and Tony had technically met Elijah before. They had just not explained that they were dating yet. They felt it best to wait until they were sure. They were pretty sure now.

It was cooler the night of Tony and Ziva's last date. Finally Ziva could cover her scars. Tony had seen them before, but never acknowledged them. Still she was glad to cover the scars. Maybe Tony would notice the real her. Maybe he would not see her as so vulnerable and damaged. Maybe she would get lucky and finally be happy. Maybe.

"Are you seeing Tony?" Elijah asked.

"Yes" Ziva replied.

"Why?" Elijah asked.

"Because he is my friend." Ziva replied.

"Can I come?" Elijah asked.

"Not this time." Ziva replied.

"Why?" Elijah asked.

"We are going to a grown-up movie." Ziva replied.

"What am I doing?" Elijah asked.

"Staying with Jimmy and Breena. You can play with Tori." Ziva explained.

"Wanna go with you!" Elijah screamed.

"Elijah you can't." Ziva reminded.

"I WANNA!" Elijah shouted.

"Elijah calm down." Ziva pleaded.

"NOOOOO!" Elijah screamed.

Tony was excited and a little sad about the date. He was excited because he loved spending time with Ziva. Any chance he got to be with her, he jumped on. Today was sad because it was their last date just the two of them. At least for the time being. He was beyond excited to be adopting but it was going to take a lot of adapting. He had not had a baby around in over twenty years. He had not had a kid in sixteen. He would literally be starting all over alone. At least he would have Ziva with him. Ziva the most perfect woman he knew.

First stop was Allie's for dinner. Just a cute little cafe. They had only opened about five months ago but it was already Tony's favorite. Apparently it had been a cafe years ago. Opened in the twenties somehow surviving the depression. Before shutting down for good in the eighties. The owner had gone their with her grandmother. Her great, great grandparents were the original owners but sold it after their eldest son was killed in WWII. Allie had bought it and reopened it. Ziva had only been their once but she had fallen in love. It was old fashioned. If it had not been five different restaurants in the thirty two year it had been shut down. She would swear they had not changed it since the fifties or sixties. She loved it and she loved that Tony appreciated it. The couple had just sat down when a familiar face walked in.

"So happy to see you two! Together! Out of the hospital!" Rhonda cried.

"We have been dating for three months now." Ziva replied.

"Great" Rhonda replied.

"Ziva is the best thing to happen to me." Tony said.

"I am so lucky to have him. Though I don't know if I deserve him." Ziva admitted.

"Of course you do! Tony would not be with you if you did not deserve him." Rhonda insisted.

"Are you sure?" Ziva asked.

"I thought we were past this." Tony sighed.

"Honey I know men. I don't have the best luck myself but I know a good guy when I see one." Rhonda insisted.

The good news was their were no fires at the movie house. The better news was they received such positive reviews to the outdoor movie. They were showing classics once a week now. It was a big Friday night tradition. They even tried to do an outdoor movie when they could. Tonight there was a chance for rain. So it was an indoor screaming of Jane Eyre. Tony loved the movie and adored the book. It was especially appropriate for a date with Ziva. A damaged woman who doubted herself. Not that Tony had anything on Mr. Rochester. Except he would probably do something stupid and end up blind one day. Not a great comparison.

"Did you ever read Jane Eyre?" Tony asked.

"I think I read it when I was taking care of Jimmy." Ziva replied.

"How do you not remember?" Tony asked.

"I was pretty busy." Ziva explained.

"Fair point well we are going to see the movie and then I am going to lend you the book. I know you are going to love it." Tony explained.

Tony was right, Ziva did love the movie. She bawled like a baby when Helen died. Not that way but Ziva had lost far too many friends as a girl. For the most part Ziva just watched the movie. Then came the fire. The fire was not shown. Jane had left Thornfield and did not return until sometime after the fire. Too be fair a lot of people tensed when the fire was described. Fire tended to do that. Even unseen movie fire. Even Tony flinched when it was revealed that Edward had been injured. For Ziva the word fire was different. It was not just unpleasant and sad. It was a horrific memory. The fire was described and she felt her skin burn. She heard Adam laugh as he shoved her into the flames and scream that she needed to burn. He called her a witch among other horrid names. Her scars felt fresh. A pain she had not felt since the months she was recovering. Her remembered Amos lifting her and pouring water on her back. She remembered...

"No! No! Adam! Stop! Adam! Help! NO!" Ziva screamed as she ran from the theater, tears.

* * *

 **A/N: Ziva reveals more of her past in the next chapter. New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	20. Flashback

Worry surged through Tony's veins. Ziva had, had a couple of big outbursts during their relationship but never like this. Never just screaming in public and running off still screaming and sobbing. She had been doing so well too. Just the day before she had said that helping him adopt was a major part of her therapy. Now here she was screaming and running off. It did not make sense. Some people were annoyed but others were concerned. Tony did not have time for their comments. He had to go after her. He ran out of the theater. He asked the kid working the snack counter if he had seen a woman run by crying. The kid pointed to the bathroom. Not caring about etiquette Tony burst through the door to the woman's room. Thankfully both movies playing were nearing the end and the bathroom was empty accept for Ziva and a girl about five and her mother. The mother looked annoyed and held her daughter closer. The girl just laughed and commented it was funny a grown up didn't read the sign either. Jane Eyre was just about over. He had to do this quick. He knocked on the stall door until Ziva came out.

"I'm taking you home." Tony called.

"No" Ziva argued.

"Ziva come on. Whatever this is..." Tony pleaded.

"NO GET AWAY FROM ME ADAM! I DON'T WANT YOU HURTING ME ANYMORE!" Ziva shouted.

Jane Eyre had ended and the other movie must have let out as well, because the bathroom was now filled with woman and girls. A crowd had formed and Tony looked pretty shitty. He knew better from his years as a cop. He did not touch Ziva. Even when she started biting at her wrists and punching him. She went on a diatribe about all the abuse he had committed against her and their now deceased daughter. How he had killed their baby. Now Tony knew that she was having a flashback to her first husband's abuse. Tony knew that but the woman did not. Security burst through and announced they would call the LEO's if Tony did not come with them in the next ten seconds. Tony turned to leave. Accidentally bumping Ziva in the process. She shouted in terror. Woman lunged for Tony and the guard shoved through the crowd. Before anybody else could react Ziva had shoved Tony hard to the ground. The other woman shoved away in disgust. Allowing Tony to fall to the hard tile floor, hitting his head in the process.

Ziva's head and heart were pounding. She was not in the restroom of the cute little theater Tony brought her on their dates. She was back in her Israeli farm house. It was not kind and gentle Tony in front of her but psychotic Adam in a fit of rage. She was trying to get him to leave but he would not the other voices sounded like they were miles away. When Tony turned it was not Tony turning to surrender to the LEO's but Adam going for her throat. Out of pure reaction she shoved Tony/Adam to the ground. She felt less crowded but her body only shook harder. She was sobbing by now. Just like that the flashback ended. Just in time to see blood trickling from Tony's mouth. Her arms still raised and the other woman were cheering. She had shoved him. The other woman were ignoring and the security guard only barely helping, because they did not see she was having a flashback. They thought Tony was Adam and that he truly had done all those terrible things. Ziva's legs gave out from underneath her and she collapsed to the floor in tears.

"What have I done?!" Ziva cried out.

Tony was taken to the hospital and the local LEO's were alerted. Ziva was taken to the police station. For questioning. She shook the entire drive. A female officer kept assuring that she was not the one at fault here but she was. She wished that she could speak and correct the thoughts but her body only shook and she only cried. Upon arrival to the station she was gently guided to a small room. She was given coffee by the same female officer who assured her.

"Please I didn't know where I was." Ziva pleaded.

"Did this Adam slip anything into your drink?" The officer asked.

"No and his name is not Adam." Ziva replied.

"Send her to the hospital. I want a rape kit." The officer insisted.

"I wasn't raped. The man you arrested did not hurt me. I...I have PTSD. I was having a flashback. The man you arrested was not Adam. His name is Tony and he is the kindest man. He was trying to comfort me. He did not see I was in flashback until it was too late." Ziva explained.

"Are you under care of a psychologist?" The officer asked.

"Dr. Jocelyn Rayne." Ziva replied.

"Give Dr. Rayne a call." The officer ordered to her partner.

"On it" The second officer replied.

"As for you. Is there anybody I can call to pick you up?" The first officer asked.

"James and Breena Palmer they are on my phone. All three are actually." Ziva explained.

"Thank you" The officer replied.

"What will happen to Tony?" Ziva asked.

"He will be taken into custody. If your claims of PTSD are true he will be released and the incident will be erased. However if your claims are false he will be transferred to a larger facility to await trial. At which point you will be taken to the hospital for further testing." The officer explained.

At the hospital the treatment Tony was receiving was far from kind. Even thought it was not what he deserved. He understood why he was treated this way. Things looked pretty bad for him right about now and of course he was not at Bethesda where he was well known. He had been taken to a small facility not far from the theater.

"You may be lucky or the biggest bastard. The woman you assaulted is claiming a psychotic condition. If she is not lying you are in the clear. If she is lying well you better enjoy that open window. The nurse spat.

"Psychotic condition?" Tony questioned, he had never heard of any psychotic condition.

* * *

 **A/N: Will Dr. Rayne be able to prove Ziva's PTSD before it is too late? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	21. Guilt

Ziva felt terrible for what had happened. She hated that they were treating her as the martyr and Tony as a monster. She hated that her flashback had come when it did. Normally they came when she was alone. Normally she could pull herself out easier but not that night. Now Tony was suffering and it was impossible for her to forgive herself. She was wracked with guilt and anger towards herself. She wished that she could take back what she had done. That she could protect Tony from herself.

The hospital room was cold and Tony felt alone. He was not allowed visitors. Though he doubted that anybody would know that he was there. The Palmer's would be helping Ziva. Hell the Palmer's may even believe Ziva. They may think that he was a monster. Hell maybe he was a monster. Maybe he had done something to set Ziva off. If he wasn't shipped off to prison he'd be sure to apologize. if Ziva would even listen to him that is.

Ziva was sobbing by the time Dr. Rayne arrived. She heard the doctor speaking with the cops. Only snippets of the conversation but it was enough to give her hope that Tony would be OK. She would never forgive herself if her little breakdown cost Tony not only his freedom and career but also his reputation. She had only known him a short time and he had always been nothing but kind to her. Jimmy said he was like that with everybody who deserved kindness. He was rough around the edges but had a good heart. A good heart that did not deserve to be accused of a crime he did not even come close to committing. The door opened and Dr. Rayne entered along with the two officers, and Jimmy and Breena. Not wanting to be marked and eavesdropper Ziva pretended to be reading a pamphlet on PAL.

"So I called the hospital and they are going to release Tony in the morning. An officer will get his side of the story before discharge but you will need to undergo observation." Dr. Rayne explained.

"And the incident will be expunged?" Ziva asked.

"As long as the stories line up." Dr. Rayne replied.

"I hope he does not hate me for this." Ziva sighed.

"He won't hate you. Being a Navy Cop, Tony has dealt with PTSD before. He knows how intense some of those flashbacks can get." Jimmy assured.

An officer was coming in the morning. That was all Tony had been told. He did not know what that meant. He feared that Ziva had been found competent and thus her accusation accurate. He was terrified of going to prison. He knew what happened to cops in prison. He also knew if it was a bad enough charge the guards would make it known you were a cop. Guy he knew in Baltimore was busted for child porn. The guard announced he was a cop and a perv. Needless to say that monster did not come out alive. Jones deserved what he got but Tony did not want to be a victim.

"Hey" Jimmy greeted.

"Palmer? What are you doing here?" Tony asked.

"Came to check on you." Jimmy replied.

"How'd you get in here? I'm on lock down." Tony questioned.

"I had an extra pair of scrubs in the trunk. You wear scrubs and spew medical jargon you can go anywhere. I was upstairs at the White House when the Obamas were sleeping." Jimmy joked.

"Does Ziva hate me?" Tony asked.

"She does not hate you. Tony, she has PTSD. Her therapist has bee helping her get a diagnosis but it takes time." Jimmy explained.

"PTSD? Why didn't she tell me?" Tony asked.

"I guess she was embarrassed, worried it may hurt your relationship. I only just found out tonight and I drive her to her appointments half the time." Jimmy explained.

"I wouldn't judge her." Tony sighed.

"I know and I think she knows but you know how people like her think." Jimmy replied.

"I am people like her." Tony reminded.

"Look I need to go before the suspect something but an officer is coming to speak with you in the morning." Jimmy announced.

"I know." Tony groaned.

"Don't worry. They are just going to make sure that your story matches Ziva's account of what happened after she came to." Jimmy assured.

Tony was awake most of the night making sure his story was straight. He recounted how Ziva had been fine during the movie, more relaxed than he had ever seen her. How it had all changed when they were talking about the fire. How her eyes had grown wide and her body tensed and trembled. Tears were just starting to form when she leaped from her chair and ran from the room. Tony was only a few seconds behind her but by the time he got to the bathroom she was lost to the episode. He recalled how her eyes were glazed over and full of fear. He recalled how she called him Adam and some of the words she used made it sound like she was back in Israel. He recalled seeing her eyes change to pure guilt and fear as he lost consciousness on the bathroom floor.

The officer was actually very nice. His name was Officer Harris. A survivor of male spousal abuse. The only thing Tony did not like was how Harris questioned him on Ziva's behavior. Tony knew they were ruling out Ziva as abusive but it still hurt Tony's heart. He hated that he was going through all this bullshit but even more so he hated that Ziva was going through so much pain. He hated that she kept her diagnosis from him and that she did not trust him enough to open up. If she would just open up. He could help her. Yes she would still need to see Dr. Rayne and receive the proper medical treatment for Post Traumatic but he would be able to guide her through, so she would not be so alone in her battle. A battle he could only pray that she would win.

* * *

 **A/N: The good news is Tony is off the hook. The bad it's clear Ziva has a ton of serious problems. Unrelated but cool points to anybody who gets the reference to Jimmy's joke about being at the White House. Hint it's pop-culture. New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	22. Therapy

Ziva's diagnosis was a hard pill to swallow. Tony had vowed to get her through it and he was doing his best. Still it was not easy for him to see her suffer. It was hard seeing her fight trauma but be unable to open up. She tried to open but she could not. It made Tony wonder just what had happened to her. He wanted the full story but knew prying was the worst thing he could do to a person in her state.

Ziva shifted on Dr. Rayne's couch. She had an official diagnosis now. She was on new medications and had a medical alert bracelet. She was a statistic on a file. "Non military PTSD sufferer" or something like that. She was not sure exactly what she had only caught a glimpse of the file at her last appointment. The appointments were easier than they had been before the incident at the theater. Because Tony was now allowed to attend one appointment a week with her.

"What are you ready to tell me today?" Dr. Rayne asked.

"My first husband was extremely physically abusive. We... we had known each other for years. Adam always had a temper but when we were kids. I was rough too back then I guess. Adam would fight me. I would fight back. Then we got serious. We got engaged when I got pregnant. Our daughter was born. She was only a week or two early but she didn't have enough oxygen. She had severe Cerebral Palsy. She depended on us for everything. We were married but Adam started beating her. I asked for divorce but he refused. He knew how bad things would get for him. When Rebecca was four he left. He said it was a mission for work. Mossad. There was no mission or maybe there was but it ended sooner. He was living somewhere else. He would disappear for up to a year and then come back for a few days to a week. The last time he came Rebecca was seven. She had been stable for the past year but just before Adam's last visit her condition progressed. Her doctor told me that she would never get better than how she was now. We didn't know how long she had. Just that she did not have much time. During this visit Adam finally consented to a divorce. Rebecca got very sick the next day. I had to be away. Adam would not take her to the hospital. By the time I returned she had been in a seizure for over an hour. I called an ambulance but it was too late." Ziva explained.

Tony's heart hurt knowing all that Ziva had been through. He could not imagine coming home to find his child having a seizure. Knowing that she had been like that for some time. Having to watch her die because the person caring for her did not care to help her. What was worse. This was only a piece of the puzzle. Ziva had so much more hurt that she was not yet ready to discuss. Though Dr. Rayne did say she tended to open up more at the appointments where he was present. He took pride in knowing that but he also worried. He was scared he would not be strong enough to support when the brunt of Ziva's pain came out.

"You did really well." Tony said as they pulled away from the office.

"Thank you" Ziva replied.

"I am sorry about Rebecca. I wish that I could have known her. Better I mean." Tony wished.

"She would have loved you. She loved Amos. You two are a lot alike." Ziva replied.

"I thought she died before you married Amos." Tony commented.

"We were together for sometime. Adam had no interest in me or Rebecca. He just did not want to lose his money. That was all he cared about." Ziva explained.

"So how did you meet Amos?" Tony asked.

"He was one of Tali's doctors. When he could not treat her any longer. We began to date." Ziva explained.

"How did he die?" Tony asked.

"How do you think?" Ziva scoffed.

"Adam killed him." Tony sighed.

Ziva was not sure what it was but she trusted Tony. Tony was so much like Amos but he was himself as well. Tony was a special man. He was a good man. She felt bad for moving on so quickly after Amos but knew he would want her to be happy. Tony made her happy. Happier than anybody ever had before. Even Amos. Though she did sort of hate to admit that much.

Tony was proud to know Ziva trusted him. No woman had trusted him that much since Kris. Then again he had never cared this much for another woman besides Kris. He was slowly moving past the guilt. Kris had given him permission to love again. He never could until now. Truth be told he never wanted to until now. Ziva was the first woman he had loved in so many years. She was just that perfect. He loved her.

Ziva's next appointment was in two days. Her solo appointment. No Tony for comfort and support. Just her and Dr. Rayne. She knew Dr. Rayne would be disappointed in her. While Dr. Rayne loved seeing how she would open up with Tony but at the same time worried about how she was not so willing to open up during the private sessions. Ziva wanted to be stronger and more open but when it was just her and Dr. Rayne. She just felt so alone. So very, very alone.

Tony wished he could be a part of the next appointment but knew that Ziva needed the private sessions. Ziva needed to learn to open up to more than just the very, very, very small group of people whom she deemed trustworthy. Even Jimmy did not know as much as Tony did and Jimmy was practically Jimmy's brother. It made Tony feel good but it also worried him. He worried that he would fail her some how.

* * *

 **A/N: Ziva is opening up more to Tony. What will she reveal next? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	23. Stronger

In the midst of Ziva's PTSD and the ensuing drama. Tony was hit by a devastating blow. He would not be adopting Baby Boy Quincy after all. The baby's cousin decided to adopt him. Not being able to adopt the baby he had come to love so deeply was heartbreaking but Tony knew the boy would have a good home. Meanwhile Tony went back to square one. Back to searching for a child, back to not knowing when or if he would get a baby.

"Breena and I were devastated when the birth mother changed her mind. We still hurt but now we know that it was not the time." Jimmy explained.

"Yeah but I am not going to have a biological baby. At least not now." Tony reminded.

"I know but something will happen. You will get a baby." Jimmy promised.

"God I hope so." Tony sighed.

Ziva swallowed her pill. She could not wait for the day that she no longer had to take these pills. The day that her disease no longer haunted her every minute. She was on the road to recovery but it would be months to years before she was considered "OK". She would never recover. She would forever have this disorder. That is what she hated. She hated that she would never be over this.

"You alright?" Breena asked.

"I just took my pill." Ziva replied.

"Oh" Breena replied.

"I hate having PTSD." Ziva sighed.

"I know you do. I cannot imagine." Breena replied.

"I want to get better. Why can't I get better?" Ziva asked.

"You will never get better but you are recovering. You are recovering because you have a great man by your side." Breena explained.

"How long could Tony possibly stand me?" Ziva asked.

"Tony? He will love you forever" Breena promised.

"How can you be so sure?" Ziva asked.

"Because Tony never gives up on people." Breena reminded.

"Why is it so hard for me to remember that?" Ziva asked.

"Because you are hurting. Hurting in a way I cannot imagine." Breena explained.

Tony got back into the process right away. The adoption website now featured a set of four month old twins. Both boys. The adoptive parents had backed out when the babies were boys. They already had four boys and wanted a daughter. They were precious. Tony noticed the soulful eyes of the first baby. They reminded him of Justin. Baby B was more mischievous. Again a reminder of Justin. Once again Tony found himself calling the adoption agency. This time he did not have to endure the interview or anything. The boys were wards of the state. Tony just had to fill out paperwork.

Ziva felt so out of place among the strong and successful women. Breena had invited her out to hang out with some of her girlfriends. They were doctors, lawyers, teachers, and stay at home mothers. Ziva worked a minimum wage job and struggled to keep together for her son. All these woman had it together with their perfect careers and marriages. Maybe Ziva had a good boyfriend but these woman were strong and she was so dependent on Tony. Feeling adequate and depressed Ziva excused herself to the bathroom. While she was sobbing in one of the stalls Breena happened to walk in with one of the other woman.

"Do you think she's OK?" The other woman asked.

"I don't know there was a bug growing around the school last week. Maybe she got it." Breena suggested.

"I just feel so inferior around her. I mean overcoming all that. I cannot imagine losing a child. My miscarriage was rough and that was early and I was not ready for a child. Then everything with her ex husband. I mean Gary was an asshole but he never abused me. If our child had lived he would not have acted that way." The woman said.

"I know how you feel. I have been so blessed. I try to understand Ziva but how can I? Of course I don't want to go through that. I just wish I could understand her." Breena explained.

Tony fell asleep thinking about the twins. He thought about Quincy and Jimmy's words. He knew that everything happened for a reason. He knew he may not get these boys either. He may not get any baby but he was going to be happy. He was going to be happy because he had amazing friends and a perfect girlfriend. He was so happy for himself and for Ziva. She probably deserved better than him but she was recovering so well. Maybe because of him or maybe not. He would probably never know. All he knew was that she was happy and he was happy too. He just prayed a baby or two would become a piece of the puzzle.

Ziva fell asleep thinking about Breena and her friend. Maybe the other woman were not jealous of her but they clearly admired her. It was crazy she never saw herself as being strong. She always felt so weak. Weakness was why Rebecca had been sick and then died. Weakness was why Adam had been able to abuse her. At least that was how she thought it was but maybe that was not true. Maybe she was stronger than she thought. Maybe. Another thought came to her mind. This time she thought of Tony. She still had no idea what she had done to deserve him but she was happy and close to peace for the first time in so many years. She owed that man so much. More than she could ever repay.

Tony woke the next morning to a simple call. A simple call that would forever change his life. He had been approved. His sons would be arriving that afternoon. He was filled with shock and delight. So happy that he collapsed to the floor and cried tears of joy. He was going to be a father again.

* * *

 **A/N: Things can change in a second. New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	24. The Big Day

The twins were set to arrive around two the following afternoon. Tony had mere hours to buy an extra crib and enough newborn to three month sized clothing to last at least a week. The twins were still small and could share a dresser at least for a few more days. Everything Tony had bought was for a single seven month old. A baby who was already in twelve month clothes. Now suddenly he had to prepare for twins born nearly three months premature and still in newborn clothes.

Thanks to McGee and Delilah, Tony had a like new second crib. Friends of theirs just happened to have an extra crib. The Palmer's supplied the clothes. Apparently they had really thought that Tori was going to be a boy. Some of Tori's more feminine clothes were still relatively gender neutral and were better than nothing. Right now, Tony just needed clothes. Gibbs brought a second dresser. He had one left over from Jack's house. Ziva brought infant friendly toys and baby clothes that Elijah had outgrown.

In the blink of an eye two o'clock had arrived. Tony could not believe that any minute now he was going to be a father again. A strange wave of emotions washed over him. After all he had been through. He never dreamed that he would get to this day. He never imagined that he would be a father without Kris. He certainly never imagined that he would be a father without Justin being a big brother. There was a great deal of sadness and sorrow but there was joy as well. Joy in knowing that he was going to be a father again and that he could care for children once again.

Everybody else had left but Ziva had stayed to welcome the twins. It made sense because the children would be Ziva's if they ever married. Elijah was able to come as well. In a perfect world they would be his younger brothers. Ziva and Tony sat side by side on the porch while Elijah played with the neighbor kids. They were around Elijah's age seventeen months and three.

"Do you know their names?" Ziva asked.

"Nathan and Samuel" Tony replied.

"Nice old fashioned names." Ziva commented.

"I know" Tony replied.

Two thirty rolled around and Tony begun to worry. They said that the boys would be there by two and here it was almost three and they had not yet arrived. Tony was sure he would get a call that the boys were not coming after all. Somebody had changed their mind or a long lost relative had stepped forward to adopt the boys. Or worse their had been an accident. A car out of nowhere and both boys were dead.

"Maybe they got stuck in traffic or something got held up at the office?" Ziva offered.

"They would have called if they were going to be late." Tony sighed.

"They would have called if they were not coming." Ziva reminded.

"If they knew they weren't coming." Tony sighed assuming the worst.

"Don't think like that." Ziva insisted.

"It's hard not to. With my past." Tony sighed.

"I know" Ziva assured.

Another hour passed and Tony was sure that they were not coming. Even Ziva was beginning to give up hope. The boys next door had been called inside (They had been playing with an older sister or live in cousin) and Elijah had returned to the porch. He still had energy but found it easier to sit on Ziva's lap after running around for almost three hours.

"You should go." Tony said.

"No I promised to wait with you until they came. I am waiting with you until they get here." Ziva insisted.

"You may be waiting forever." Tony reminded.

"So be it." Ziva replied with a weak smile.

"Thank you" Tony replied, glad to have somebody to join him on this journey.

Tony rested his head on Ziva's shoulder. The sun had set and still no twins. Tony had officially given up any hope. He knew he was stupid for believing that he would be a father again. Kris had not wanted another pregnancy and Tony had made her wait on adoption. Justin had died along with his mother and Baby Boy Quincy had not come after all. Now the twins were not coming. Tony was simply not met to be a father. Maybe he would be a stepfather but he would never be a father. He would never feel that love again. Maybe with Elijah but he was banking on a child not remembering his birth father.

"Red Car!" Elijah cried pointing at a cherry red Sedan turning into Tony's driveway.

It seemed too good to be true. Almost three hours late there had to be something up. This was a mistake, just a car turning around. No the car turned into the drive, stopped, and a door opened. Whoever it was stopped for a minute. Again Tony lost hope. He was sure it was just somebody accidentally pulling into the wrong a driveway or just a sales person. Another door opened and closed and then another. Even though his hope was building Tony continued to hold his breath. He knew better than to get his hopes up. His hopes crashed when he saw an unfamiliar face. Not his social worker. This woman had twins under her arm but she had probably lost her cellphone and was using the babies in hopes of them softening Tony and Ziva enough to lend her their phone.

"Anthony DiNozzo?" The woman asked.

"Yes" Tony replied.

"Anastasia Jones" The woman introduced.

"Do I know you?" Tony asked.

"I am a social worker for your agency and these are your babies." Anastasia explained.

"Where's Rochelle?" Tony asked.

"Her husband had an accident at work. He is OK but they were at the hospital all day. She was only able to call in around two. They sent me out with the twins right away but I got the wrong address. It took hours for me to get the right one. When I finally get on the road Nathan hear has a blowout in the car seat and I had to get a second one. I am so sorry." Anastasia explained.

"It is OK I am just glad to have the babies and that Rochelle's husband is OK." Tony replied.

"We all are." Anastasia replied.

"Hand them over." Tony declared

"OK this is Nathan Kristopher and this here is Samuel Justin" Anastasia said as she handed Tony the carriers.

* * *

 **A/N: Could it be more perfect? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	25. First Night

Tony was in shock when he heard the names. He knew the first names but the middle names were only initial. He had probably heard the middle names but there was so much other information to take in, middle names were the least of his concerns. Now he knew the middle names and he was absolutely in shock. The boys, his new family their middle names were close to his family. Justin was the first name of his son and Kristopher was close to Kristin. Maybe Nathan would want to be called Kristopher one day and maybe Samuel would want to be called Justin. Tony did not count on it nor did it really matter. He just wanted to have a new family. He had a new family.

"Oh Tony that is so perfect! They are so perfect!" Ziva cooed.

Tony forgot what it was like to have a baby and he was clueless on two. He was glad that Ziva and Elijah had offered to stay the night. As soon as the social worker left the babies started screaming. They both needed to be changed and both were doozies. Another detail Tony had forgotten about. He got them changed and then they needed to reload. That was an adventure on it's own. Nathan was a leisurely eater. It took nearly half an hour just for the boy to finish his bottle. Samuel on the other hand gulped down his bottle. Ziva kept having to yank the bottle away so he did not choke. After the eating came burping. Samuel threw up. Nathan just took forever to burp.

The boys fell asleep easy. Too easy. That was one thing Tony remembered about having a baby. The easier Justin fell asleep. The longer the night would be. Somehow the boys had been asleep for about half an hour. Tony could not recall exactly but he was convinced that half an hour was a good amount of time for a newborn to sleep in one go.

"Is it bad it's only been two hours and I am already tired?" Tony asked.

"You have forgotten a lot." Ziva laughed.

"That bad huh?" Tony asked.

"I am surprised you are doing this well." Ziva commented.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Tony questioned.

"It means that being a parent is hard. Really, really hard. Especially when you are doing it on your own." Ziva replied.

"Will I be OK?" Tony asked.

"You are going to do great." Ziva assured.

Ziva and Elijah fell asleep. Just as the twins woke up. Tony started to wake Ziva but he did not have the heart. Besides theses were his children. They were not Ziva's babies. At least not yet. Tony stumbled to the nursery and picked the boys up. He checked their diapers. They were clean. Samuel was a little wet but not enough for Tony to change just yet. He offered them bottles but both refused. He tried burping and both let out small burps and then went back to crying. With a groan Tony reached for one of the baby books. It was going to be a very, very long night. There were going to be a lot of very, very long nights in the coming months, in the coming years. He had no idea how he was going to get through on his own. He had barely gotten through with Kris being the primary parent. Maybe he had made a mistake but it was too late to change his mind now.

Minutes turned to hours. He would get the babies to sleep and then mere minutes later one or both would wake up. He changed five or six diapers a piece. He gave each boy two bottles a piece and he burped each countless times. Morning arrived and Tony was beyond exhausted. Light was peaking through the windows. Both boys would probably wake up soon. Tony had lost any chance for sleep until God willing the following night.

"How did they do?" Ziva asked as she entered the nursery.

"They did not sleep at all or it seems they didn't." Tony yawned.

"Why didn't you wake me?" Ziva asked.

"You were sleeping so peacefully and besides they are my babies." Tony replied.

"They may be your babies but we are still a team." Ziva reminded.

"Are you sure?" Tony asked.

"One hundred percent."

"Brothers!" Elijah called.

"Elijah please be quiet. The babies are finally sleeping." Ziva whispered.

"Sorry" Elijah apologized.

"It is OK but be more quiet. We will go home soon but I want Tony to get some sleep." Ziva explained.

"OK" Elijah replied.

Tony fell asleep pretty quickly. He barely made it to the bedroom. Ziva covered Tony with the blanket and then headed to the nursery. She rocked the boys, fed them, changed them, and burped them. Elijah was a great help running errands for her and making sure that Tony did not wake up when the boys cried. After a while the boys fell asleep. Ziva looked down at the angels sleeping in her arms. She had forgotten what it was like to have a baby. She had only gotten to really experience it with Elijah. Rebecca had been in the hospital for so long. Ziva could not even hold her until she was four months old. Elijah was barely an hour old the first time Ziva held him. He was the same size as these twins. Even though they were four months old. Ziva had blocked it out but she really did miss having a baby. She knew she would probably never have another but at least she could have these babies. She could and she would share these babies with Tony.

"Why didn't you wake me?" Tony asked.

"You needed sleep." Ziva replied.

"I wanted babies." Tony reminded.

"So do I." Ziva cooed.

"Are you sure? You really don't have to. Go home and get some rest." Tony insisted.

"I really should but call me if you need any help. Any at all." Ziva replied.

"Will do" Tony promised.

* * *

 **A/N: Tony and Ziva make a great team. New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	26. Introduction

Tony waited a couple of days before he announced that the babies had arrived. He wanted to make sure the boys were adjusted and happy before he started welcoming visitors. He also wanted to make sure that he was adjusted and confident before he started welcoming visitors. For two days it was just him and Ziva. They made a great team.

Despite his excitement Tony had told very few people that he was adopting. So there was a lot of shock and surprise when he made the big announcement on Facebook. He could not share pictures of the twins faces just yet. He had to wait until after the adoption was finalized. Instead he shared a picture of the two Ohio State onesies he had bought for the boys. He was taking pictures every day and planned to go crazy once he was given the OK to share faces.

"Gibbs is coming over later and McGee." Tony announced.

"What about the others?" Ziva asked.

"Abby and Bishop may be coming with McGee. Ducky is visiting Nicholas in the nursing home and Delilah is visiting her sister." Tony explained.

"Are Jimmy and Breena going to come over?" Ziva asked.

"Breena might. Jimmy and Tori have colds." Tony replied.

"Are any of your other friends coming?" Ziva asked.

"Most of my other friends live in other states." Tony laughed.

"Have you considered having an adoption shower?" Ziva asked.

"What's an adoption shower?" Tony asked.

"It's like a baby shower but for adoptive parents." Ziva explained.

"A man can't have a baby or adoption shower." Tony retorted.

"He certainly can if he wants too." Ziva argued.

"I don't know." Tony replied.

Before long Sammy and Nate were both screaming their heads off. Tony had tried everything but they just would not stop. He knew that the boys were at the right age for colic. They were four months old but due to their prematureity technically only around two. Sammy was by far the loudest of the twins. Nate was quieter but he could cry for longer periods of time.

"Make them stop." Elijah groaned.

"I am trying." Tony moaned.

"Elijah!" Ziva warned.

"Waaahhh!" Sammy cried.

"Waaahhh!" Nate screamed.

"Aghhh!" Elijah yelled.

"That is it young man!" Ziva snapped.

"He is probably just tired." Tony offered.

"I know. I am going to take him back to the Palmer's do you think you can handle them?" Ziva asked.

"Gibbs will be here soon. I should be fine." Tony assured.

"If you are sure." Ziva replied picking up Elijah and carrying him out of the room.

Tony was thrilled that Gibbs could finally meet the boys. Gibbs was one of the few who knew about the adoption but even he did not know the full details. Tony had only told Gibbs he was hoping for an infant. He figured that Gibbs took that to mean he was pursuing newborn adoption. The retired Marine had seemed confused when Tony announced that he had the boys.

"This is Samuel Justin and this is Nathan Kristopher." Tony introduced.

"Did you pick the middle names? Gibbs asked.

"No" Tony replied.

"There's no such thing as a coincidence." Gibbs commented.

"I know" Tony replied.

"They are adorable boys." Gibbs replied.

"Thank you" Tony replied.

"How does Ziver like them?" Gibbs asked.

"She adores them. Elijah likes them too but it is taking some getting used to." Tony explained.

"That's how is usually goes. So have you guys thought about popping the question?" Gibbs asked.

"Like asking Ziva to marry me?" Tony asked.

"That's the idea." Gibbs replied.

"I really don't know. I mean I want to marry her but it's only been a couple months." Tony explained.

"If something is meant to be. It's meant to be. No matter the amount of time." Gibbs replied.

"So I should ask now?" Tony questioned.

"Ask whenever you feel that you are ready." Gibbs clarified.

About and hour after Gibbs left the others arrived. Abby and Bishop were both career woman. Neither party had ever gotten baby fever. At least not that Tony had seen but they still loved children. McGee and Delilah had their son and they were considering adopting in the future. Just like with Gibbs Tony was thrilled for his friends to meet his babies. He loved having children again and being able to show them off to his friends. He had only been a parent for two days and he was already seeing himself as one of those terrible parents who could never stop talking about his children.

"They are so cute!" Abby cooed.

"Absolutely adorable." Bishop agreed.

"Cutest babies I have seen. Besides my own I mean." McGee added.

"Thank you." Tony replied.

"So are you sleep training them yet." McGee asked.

"Not just yet. I am going to wait a little longer. They have a lot to get used to and they are also still only about two months old. They were nearly three months early." Tony explained.

"Wow they do not look like it. I mean they are small but they are so healthy." McGee explained.

"They were in the NICU for a while but they are doing great. The doctors said we got off extremely lucky." Tony explained.

"Hopefully that sticks." McGee commented.

"Here's hoping." Tony replied.

Eventually all the visitors left and Tony found himself alone with the boys for the first time. He checked his phone for the first time all day and saw a text from Ziva. Elijah had caught the Palmer's cold. She would not be back for a few days. Tony was going to be on his own for a couple of days he had no idea how he was going to handle this. He had never been a truly single father before. Almost on cue both boys started screaming. Tony wondered if he had made a mistake but then he saw the boys. Only a couple of days had passed but these children were already his world.

* * *

 **A/N: Tony's in for a long road. New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	27. The Terrible Truth

It was a Saturday night, the boys had been with Tony for two weeks. They were happy and growing every day. They were starting to out grow the newborn clothes Tony had bought for them. They were starting to fit into the three month clothes Tony had thought he would need. It was hard to see them grow so fast but Tony was relieved to know that they were healthy.

The boys were actually calm for the first time all day. All week actually. Tony loved his boys but they were a definite challenge. He remembered what Jimmy and McGee had said about enjoying the quiet times. Because he enjoyed even a second where one of the boys wasn't screaming or needing attention. He loved knowing that they were sleeping peacefully and happily. He smiled at the sight of Ziva standing over Sammy's stroking his cheek. Ziva loved both boys but she had an especially strong bond with Sammy.

The peace lasted for another half hour and then both boys were awake screaming into the night. Tony and Ziva were taking turns running around fetching bottles, diapers, and burp rags. Elijah woke up after a while and complained about the crying. Ziva put on cartoons for him and he was fast asleep within a matter of minutes. At long last the boys had calmed and were peacefully resting in the arms of Tony and Ziva. Tony had Nate and Ziva had Sammy. The peace was back but Ziva's calm mood had disappeared. She had a cloud of grief and hurt hanging over her head.

"Tony there is something that you need to know." Ziva said breaking the new found silence.

"Are you OK?" Tony asked.

"Amos didn't die in the house fire that burned me. In fact there was no house fire." Ziva explained.

"Adam" Tony whispered, he had put two and two together long ago.

"It was a cool night. Elijah was asleep and Amos' uncle was staying with us. Amos and I decided to go out and build a fire. It was getting late and we were sure that Daniel was tired. Amos had just filled a bucket to put out the fire. Adam came out of no where. There was screaming and arguing. I don't remember the details. I am not sure if Adam actually pushed me or if I fell trying to run. I just remember falling into the fire. Amos grabbed me and dumped the water on me. I was burned and badly but they said it was not was as bad as it could have been." Ziva explained.

"Amos?" Tony asked struggling to process what he had just learned.

"I was unconscious but I heard the gunshot. I was in a coma for a week. When I woke up they told me that Amos was dead. He was shot in the head. He was alive and they did surgery but the damage was too severe. He died in surgery. I never even got to say goodbye. What's worse. Elijah was missing for three weeks. They found him abandoned at a market on the other side of Israel. If it were a movie. I would say how ridiculous it was. But it happened. It happened to me. Oh God Tony! It happened to me! I'm never going to be OK!" Ziva sobbed.

"Ziva, I am sorry. I don't know what else to say. Just know that I love you and I am never going to give up on you. I don't care if you are never OK. I am damaged too." Tony explained.

"Not as much as me." Ziva sniffed.

"That may be but I love you just the same." Tony promised.

"Rebecca her death wasn't how I said either." Ziva sighed.

"Adam" Tony replied.

"Rebecca had been stable for a few years but within the last couple months she took a turn. She was having more seizures and running many high fevers. That part is true. What is a lie is the end. Adam showed up that last weekend. I tried to keep him away. Make sure they were not alone but I had to go out. I left Becca with a nurse. I guess she had to out too and Adam was there. She was new and did not know. Adam got frustrated because Becca was screaming. He yanked out her feeding tube and threw her across the room. She went into seizure. I got home at the thirty minute mark. I called 911. she was losing blood and seizing. They rushed her to the hospital but she never came out. She lost too much blood and the seizure was just too strong. She died in my arms in the ambulance." Ziva sobbed.

"God Ziva" Tony gasped.

"He murdered my husband and my daughter. He would have killed Elijah and you too but he was killed by police. He was running from them and the officer could not stop in time. Adam was wanted. There were no consequences for the officer. Not that I care. He had ruined my life by the time they finally went after him." Ziva explained.

"You are safe now." Tony assured.

Tony's heart was heavy knowing all that Ziva had endured in her life. He wished that he could do more to heal her, but knew it did not work like that. She would never get better. That much was true. No amount of love could cure her but he could help her through. He would never give up on her. He would never abandon her. No matter how challenging things got. The next afternoon he left the twins with Jethro and dropped Ziva and Elijah at the park. He then drove to the jewelry store. He found the perfect ring for her. After paying he wrapped the ring up and hid it in the trunk. He was going to ask her to marry him. Sooner rather than later.

* * *

 **A/N: How long until Tony pops the question? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	28. The Question

Almost a month had passed since Tony bought the ring. The original plan was to propose on Christmas morning. Being Jewish, Christmas was not a big deal to Ziva but she had agreed to celebrate with Tony and the Palmer's. Everything was in place. He had left the ring with the Palmer's and hidden it in the box Breena's food processor had come in. Tony had planned on showing up early Christmas morning. Before the Palmer's woke up and insisting Ziva open the gift from him privately. Then two days before the proposal they had been flipping channels and came across one of those bad Christmas romance movies. The male lead had proposed on Christmas morning.

" _I hate proposals on holidays. It's just so trite." Ziva had declared._

" _You do?" Tony asked._

" _So much. If a man did that to me I would probably vomit." Ziva laughed._

That declaration had thrown Tony through a loop. So much for his plan. He discretely removed the present from under the tree. When Ziva questioned him he lied and said he had accidentally put her name on a gift for Gibbs. To keep up appearances. He placed Gibbs' new tool belt in the food processor box and found a gift for Ziva that was of comparable size.

Christmas morning came and went. Gibbs laughed about the Food Processor box and Ziva adored the speakers he had got for her. The twins got a mountain of clothes and toys. Seriously Tony did not see himself having to shop for clothes until the kids were in school. Elijah and Tori's gifts were about the same. The only difference was that they had eagerly unwrapped their gifts. The twins slept through Tony unwrapping their presents.

It was the day before New Years Eve, Second to last day of the year. Jimmy and Breena had offered to take Elijah and the twins so Tony and Ziva could go out. Tony chose his favorite Italian place. Ziva ordered Spaghetti and meat sauce and Tony ordered Chicken Parmesan. Just after the salad's arrived Tony's phone buzzed. Normally he never answered his phone on dates. At least not so early into the night but this was his first time out since the twins arrived. Worried that something was wrong he excused himself and stepped out onto the porch. Thankfully the call was just McGee calling to ask if his mechanic worked on vehicle chair lifts. Tony said he didn't but advised that he call Ducky. Tony hung up and returned to his dinner date. The meal was delicious and Ziva was understanding. After dinner they stepped out onto the patio. The restaurant was largely empty. They were closing early that night, so they could stay open late New Years Eve. Something about it was perfect. Tony only wished he had the ring on him.

"What are you doing?" Ziva laughed.

"Nothing" Tony replied pulling himself up.

It was not a holiday, they were not in public, it was not an anniversary, and Ziva was not lying in the hospital. There was nothing trite about it but Tony could still remember how perfect things were back at the restaurant. He still had the ring just sitting in his desk drawer. He walked over and slid the drawer open. The ring sat in it's soft velvet box. He carefully opened the lid and got down on one knee. He looked into her eyes and reached out to stoke her hair. This moment was perfect. Almost too perfect now he was scared that she would say no.

"Ziva David..." Tony started.

Ziva's heart began to race. She could not believe that this was really happening. Tony was really asking her to marry him. She thought back to her complaint about trite engagements and how he had got down on one knee at the restaurant. Had he been planning to propose there? Had she ruined it with her attitude. Now she felt bad. Bad enough she was so damaged that Tony would never have a normal wife but she was also whiny and ungrateful. Seriously how many men did she think would put up with her. She loved him. She really did but did he love her?

"Ziva David will you marry me?" Tony asked.

"Are you sure?" Ziva asked.

"Why would I be asking if I weren't sure?" Tony questioned.

"Because I am so damaged." Ziva sighed.

"So am I." Tony reminded.

"You don't have PTSD." Ziva insisted.

"Just say yes or no. Don't worry about PTSD or anything like that. Just worry about yes or no." Tony replied trying not to be trite.

"I will marry you." Ziva replied.

"That is the best thing I have heard since being told the twins were mine." Tony replied, smiling.

It was official Tony was engaged to the greatest woman he had known since he lost Kris. He could not be happier. They had agreed to keep the news secret for a couple of days. One to let the new year pass and two so they could enjoy the time. To have this moment just for them. To just have each other and to love each other. Then once the new year was a couple days old they would break the news. Telling their friends and loved ones, and making plans. They knew they did not want a long engagement but they also did not want to spring a surprise wedding on everybody. They were thinking sometime in the late summer or maybe. Time to prepare and time for loved ones to make plans.

"How about October?" Ziva suggested.

"Like Halloween?" Tony laughed.

"No not Halloween! Just in the fall with the leaves on the ground and fall colors." Ziva replied.

"That sounds like a plan." Tony replied.

"We have a month now we need a day. Any suggestions?" Ziva asked.

"Let's not worry about this now." Tony replied.

* * *

 **A/N: Of course she said yes. New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	29. Wedding Day

The big day had arrived at last. Tony and Ziva would be married in a matter of hours. Their relationship had been a whirlwind but they just wanted to be together. Tony wanted to marry Ziva and free her from her past. Though he knew she would never truly escape the past. Ziva wanted to marry Tony so he could have that special love again. Once they were married Ziva would have an easier time becoming a citizen. Tony would adopt Elijah making him a citizen and once Ziva was officially American she would adopt the twins. In the meantime she would be their stepmother. Tony had made special arrangements in his will to ensure that the boys would remain in Ziva's care should anything happen to him.

Ziva studied herself in the mirror and patted her stomach. This was happening. It was really happening. In just over two hours she would be marrying Tony DiNozzo. Elijah would have a dad again and she would officially be the boys mom. Nobody knew but her and Tony but there was going to be another DiNozzo in about eight months. Just two days before she had gone to the gynecologist for what she thought would be a routine exam. Turns out she was pregnant. Not a huge surprise given they had not exactly been careful. She loved the boys but she was hoping for a girl this time.

"Two hours to go!" Breena cried stepping into the bridal room.

"I know, I can't believe it." Ziva replied.

"Nervous?" Breena asked.

"Is the sky purple?" Ziva asked.

"Blue I don't know how you missed that one." Breena laughed.

"I didn't sleep last night." Ziva admitted.

"I didn't sleep the night before my wedding either." Breena recalled.

"But everything turned out fine?" Ziva guessed hopefully.

"Actually that was the day NCIS was bombed. Jimmy and I did our vows quickly with only the minister and my father. We were enjoying a walk when we found Ducky on the beach. It was months before life was normal again. Our normal." Breena explained.

"I didn't think I could get anymore stressed." Ziva sighed.

"Sorry but things are different today." Breena assured.

"Here's hoping we have a peaceful wedding. Especially because this is going to be my last wedding. Unless we renew our vows." Ziva explained.

"This marriage is going to last decades." Breena promised.

"Here's hoping." Ziva sighed.

"To new beginnings." Breena toasted raising her water bottle.

"To new beginnings." Ziva replied tapping her bottle against Breena's.

"Don't worry my matron of honor toast will be better and Jimmy's best man toast is amazing." Breena assured.

"That's good but I will be toasting with water." Ziva replied.

"Why? OH MY GOD! Are? Are you sure?" Breena gasped.

"Dr. Jones confirmed it yesterday." Ziva replied.

"How long do I need to keep my lips sealed?" Breena asked.

"Tony and I want to wait until at least two months. We are only six weeks in." Ziva replied.

"Jimmy and I waited til the second trimester with both Tori and Donnie." Breena explained.

"That's what I want but I don't think Tony can keep the secret that long." Ziva admitted.

Tony adjusted his tie and fell into the chair. Just one more hour until his second wedding. He never imagined that he would be getting married again. When Kris died he had sworn off of love. Then he met Ziva. The one woman who could heal his heart. Now they were moments away from walking down the aisle. In just a matter of months they would be welcoming their first child together. Tony would soon have five children. Justin his forever eight year old angel. Nathan and Samuel whom he had adopted thinking they would be his only chance at being a father again. Elijah who he would officially adopt as soon as Ziva and him returned from their honey moon. Last but not least the new baby they would welcome next year. Tony was desperately hoping for a girl. He had always wanted a daughter. That was his initial adoption plan but no girls he saw felt like a match. He didn't know what Ziva wanted or if she even cared. He just knew that he wanted a girl.

"Forty five minutes" Jimmy announced stepping into the room.

"I know I can't believe it." Tony replied.

"Nervous?" Jimmy asked.

"Apparently getting married is one of those things that never gets easier." Tony joked.

"Thankfully I don't know." Jimmy replied.

"Hopefully you never will" Tony sighed.

"Sorry" Jimmy apologized.

"It's OK" Tony assured.

"Well I should get back out there." Jimmy replied.

"Palmer before you go I have something to tell you. You can't tell anyone. I am not supposed to say anything but I have to tell somebody." Tony explained.

"What's up?" Jimmy asked.

"Ziva and I are having a baby!" Tony cried.

"Congratulations!" Jimmy cried.

The wedding was perfect, the dinner was delicious, and the toasts were beautiful. Before Tony and Ziva knew it they were driving to the airport. They would spend a wonderful two weeks in Italy in the villa Tony's uncle owned. The first stop however was Tel Aviv. Two days in Israel so Ziva could visit her homeland. The honeymoon was going to be absolutely perfect. Though it was going to be hard for the newly weds. This would be the first time Tony left the twins and the first time Ziva left Elijah for more than a couple days. It was not easy but they needed this. They needed time together just the two of them. Before long they would be parents of four children. Three toddlers and a baby. Things were about to get interesting to say the least.

"You are going to love Israel." Ziva commented.

"What I have seen is beautiful. Even with everything." Tony replied.

"I keep forgetting you were there." Ziva replied.

"I was working it doesn't count." Tony assured.

"Thanks for adding Israel. It's not near as lovely as a villa in the Italian Country side." Ziva said.

"Anywhere is beautiful if you are with me." Tony assured.

* * *

 **A/N: Will Tony and Ziva get their girl? New chapter will be up soon thanks for reading and please review.**


	30. Life Together

A tiny olive skinned hand batted at Tony's shoulder, until he stirred from his sleep. He woke to discover his youngest child and only daughter kneeling between him and Ziva. He could not believe how quickly four years had gone by. Ziva and him had been married for four years and his baby girl would turn three in ten days. She was growing before his eyes. Sweet young Ally took after Ziva in her skin tone and bone structure but she had Tony's green eyes and curly brown hair.

"Aba! I wanna play!" Ally cried.

"Go play with your brothers." Tony yawned.

"They are gone." Ally reminded.

It took Tony a minute to remember that the boys were on a boy scout camping trip. He was about to wake Ziva but saw how peaceful she was. She had not gotten to bed until late. She had not gotten off of work until almost midnight. He had already been in bed. He sighed and drug himself out of bed. He lifted Ally up and carried her to the kitchen. When Justin was that age he could run down the hall singing the Superman theme song, with Justin "Flying" in his arms. Ally and the boys were not so lucky but they got fun in other ways. Many mornings he would wake to find Elijah, Nate, Sammy, and Ally racing down the hall. He wished that Justin could know his siblings and join in on their fun. Though if Justin were alive. He likely would not have the younger children. Sometimes life was a double edged sword.

Ziva woke to the smell of food cooking. She pulled herself out of bed and made her way down the hall to the kitchen. Tony and Ally were dancing around the floor while eggs and bacon cooked on the stove. She smiled at the sight of her husband and daughter enjoying themselves. She shed a single tear remembering Rebecca and how she had been trapped in her body. When Rebecca was alive Ziva would dream of having a daughter who could dance. In her dreams it was Rebecca who danced around the house but in reality it was Ally. Maybe Rebecca was dancing in some other realm. Maybe she could only watch. Maybe she was just gone. Ziva did not know and she would not know any time soon.

"Breakfast will be ready in just a moment." Tony declared.

"In that case I am going to go get dressed." Ziva replied.

That afternoon Rebecca was taking her nap, and Tony and Ziva were sitting up sipping tea and talking about life. In ten days their youngest would be three. The twins were on their first boy scout camping trip. That summer Elijah would head to sleep away camp for the first time. Their children were growing up. They were together five years and married for four. They could not believe how quickly life was going by, how much time they had had together.

"I can't believe Elijah will be gone for two weeks in July." Ziva commented.

"I know it seems like just yesterday he was crying about his first sleepover." Tony recalled.

"That was hard but what was worse was him crying when we brought him home. Letting go is hard. Even if it is just for a while." Ziva explained.

"Tell me about it." Tony replied.

"I am surprised how little the twins cried." Ziva commented.

"Same here I bet by the time Ally has her first trip she won't even shed a tear." Tony replied.

"She probably won't cry on her first day of pre-school in the fall." Ziva sighed.

"Hey it just means that she is well adjusted. All four of them are." Tony assured.

Years went by and more changes came. The DiNozzo family grew by two more when they adopted a set of twin girls from foster care. Ally kept her place as family baby due to Mary and KiKi being seven years old at the time of adoption. Ally was five.

Elijah graduated high school first and ended up moving back to Israel to study abroad. Sam and Nate were next to leave the nest. Sam went to Northeastern and Nate to Georgia Tech. KiKi was net to leave going to University of Oregon. Mary left the following year joining her sister in Oregon after a year at Georgetown. Ally was the last to leave the nest heading off to Brown.

Elijah became rabbi, Sam a dentist, Nate a graphic artist, KiKi a veterinarian, Mary a professor of literature, Ally an oncologist.

Tony and Ziva had many reasons to be proud of their children. All seven became great successes in their fields. They also married and created fine families of their own.

Tony and Ziva had a wonderful thirty years together. They saw their children become wonderful people. They had their own career successes. Their love never wavered. They stood by each other through everything. Even when Ziva got sick, even when Tony began to forget things. When Ziva's cancer returned and Tony reverted to the days where he was married to Kris. Ziva would be Kris and Elijah was Justin. They kept each other calm even in the worst days.

It was a rare good day for both Tony and Ziva. A day where Tony was lucid and Ziva wasn't in much pain. Good days were rare for both and simultaneous good days were unheard of anymore. Neither party had very long to live. Tony may have a couple years left in him but they would not be good years. Ziva had days left. The children were hoping that their parents would go together or at least close together. Tony probably wouldn't last very long without her anyway.

Tony and Ziva were together in the "hospital" room in Jimmy's house. They had been living with him since they could no longer care for themselves let alone each other. The children were scattered throughout the country leading lives they could not just drop, but they did visit regularly and send money every month. Jimmy did not mind caring for his friends. He had cared for Ducky through Alzheimer's and Breena through her battle with cancer. With Ducky and Breena gone, and the children grown. Jimmy needed something to keep him busy. That was caring for his friends.

"I love you Ziva." Tony said.

"I love you Tony." Ziva replied.

"Will you marry me?" Tony asked.

"Tony we have been married for thirty one years." Ziva reminded.

"We should have a baby together." Tony commented.

"I am too old." Ziva laughed realizing that Tony was slipping.

"We can adopt again." Tony replied.

"That sounds lovely. I am tired now. I am going to lie down. We can talk later." Ziva yawned.

"I will see you soon, Z. I love you." Tony replied before closing his own eyes.

* * *

 **A/N: That's it. What do you think? Thanks to all who read, followed, favorited, and reviewed. Please leave one last review.**


End file.
